I was working with an 18 year old adolescent for months of health and wellness studies with me. He is bright, smart, so funny and truthful. Wellness took on many kinds of lessons. In first meeting him he shared much about himself including the fact that back when he was 15 years old his parents sent him away to a kind of school that took difficult kids and taught them wilderness skills. He said there were parts he missed but much he didn't. That was all he shared about the past.

In final days working with him he had some extra sessions with me so he could graduate and this gave us more time to reflect and be mindful. However this started to bring up feelings he had stashed down and avoided. For months we worked on ADHD, anger issues, healthy eating and his inability to remain physically still. Sleep has been quite hard for years and his attention span short; therefore chronic condition. On this day though a memory surfaced from his time at the wilderness school of various abuse; some he witnessed and some experienced personally. Saying it though he started to feel uncomfortable so he started to rationalize it saying "maybe I deserved it". He already meets with a therapist but shared that she has a relationship with that school so he feared sharing what happened. I advised that he find a way to communicate this to his family safely. Not in a way that wanted pity or legal action but allowance. I didn't advise this to happen immediately but he did go home and approached the subject to them that night.

The next day he started out with "well that was a mistake". He seemed confused as ever about his feelings and experiences. His parents became quite upset at him and yelled. First with denial; "Oh it wasn't that bad". They started to move into blame and wanted to know what they could have done differently considering how he was then. As I listened to this 'gaslighting experience' I reminded myself of my intension as a yoga therapist and wanted to allow him space to have his own experience in his body; we didn't discuss this past event or his parents but instead did some yoga asana and breathwork. I had to be careful not to do yoga that remind him of this wildness school and or use "the hippie phrases" they used at this school. We then we sat in a meditation. This is where I offered him a mantra of "I am allowed my feelings" and when his thoughts or opinions surfaced he repeated these words.

We finished with a discussion of the feelings his parents must have hearing his story; maybe deep down feelings of blame or guilt. Admitting to their child's experience would mean that they have to let go of such certainty. Therefore we built in some compassion and empathy that allowed him to move forward. He went home that night and his parents brought it up again and continued to justify but then he responded with "I was 15...no I don't think I deserved that". He was stepping away from being told what to feel and allowing the forgiveness into his heart. He was also learning to have a conversation without being defensive.

The following week I had the last class with him and he shared that he was putting together the pieces of his trauma and that he was slowly accepting that he didn't deserve the abuse and didn't need anyone else's permission to call it that. Instead I asked him what he did deserve and he responded with "love and protection"; he deserved to feel safe. With this we stopped talking and he did a single restorative pose and went to sleep for the first time with me for over 45 minutes.

We all have stories and have the right to the experience. We can stop looking for those answers externally though. Moving forward is what YOU do with that story that matters. The story shows up in our body and often our thoughts try to push it away, stuff it down or rationalize it. Sometimes tools like yoga and breath can help us navigate into a safe place to release all that holding and with this we learn to let go, forgive ourselves and move forward.

I hope that you will move forward and enjoy the paths you have ahead. We don't have to do this alone. Be sure to reach out to community and trust yourself as well.

In the meantime be safe, enjoy being out with family and friends and "Have a good day for no reason."

---Paige