BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON APRIL 8, 2019
I can’t tell you how many times in a day I remind myself of this message. “Now is enough”
I will get messages all day long; emails, texts and calls. Sub requests, new opportunities, information needed. It could be overwhelming but instead I remind myself that right now I just have to focus on right now.
I’m all for planning and being responsive but it doesn’t have to be my entire day. I choose when those moments will be. But this way while I’m busying teaching I don’t have to find my thoughts off somewhere else.
This takes concentration and trust me I’m not perfect at it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t worry. Some tasks can really make me stressed out. But what I do is break it down. What do I need to do first. What really needs my attention. Why is this so important? So I can check with my ego that loves to think I can do it all, please everyone and that is when I can stop and see that I have to let some things go. Sometimes though my ability to organize and plan can go too far.
Today I had a student who came to my mediation during her lunch break. She told me that she has been leaving her phone at the office and how wonderful that has been when she comes to meditation. I admire this control for her to be aware. Especially today.
See I had a nightmare last night. I had a dream that I was trapped inside a hotel room. I was safe as long as I was in the room but mean men who could change their image were waiting just outside to hurt me. I couldn’t trust anyone – even the staff at the hotel could be the mean men who just changed into their image. So what to do? I woke just then and was scared. I knew it was just a dream and tried going back to sleep. Then I did what I have done before. I start finish the dream in my head. Over think it, fix it and solve the dream. Why? I have no idea because before I knew it I’ve lost time and its time to get up. I’m not laying there figuring out why I had the dream. It seems that I just hate that the dream wasn’t complete and solved. My need to have things in my life organized and complete is my weakness. So I admire that the student in my class was able to be more self aware than I had been today.
I know it is and important for me to write this not for judgement, suggestions or tips. I just like to point out that I’m not self righteous. Realizing that I did this to myself. Laugh at my way of solving my nightmare which really didn’t solve anything. It wasn’t real! All that worry just hurt myself. I was trapped in my thoughts; I didn’t let it go.
The student and I talked about her ability to leave her phone and real life problems behind and I shared my inability to do so with a dream. Doesn’t make either of us better or worse. We both had a good laugh about it. After all this is a constant work in progress. Point is for all of us is to start over. Its never complete.