I was working with an adolescent (student) the other day that was late to her online class with me and when she logged on she explained that she was out with her Mom grocery shopping. Although she emphasized to her Mom many times about her appointment, her Mom's response was 'you are so moody' and the student expressed that she has learned to just accept herself as the problem.
But hold on... I offered her space for her feelings. She had every right to feel worried and frustrated. I felt her sadness for not feeling heard or listened too, so I just let her talk for a bit. Then I had her shift focus on right now and that everything worked out; she had messaged me and handled it the best way she could. We also finished our talk on compassion in the moment; that there is food for later provided by her Mom. During her time sharing she expressed that her Mom is often late to appointments and this is a common issue for them. The student tries to set boundaries but this often doesn't work. For example like lying about the time to be back; setting the time even earlier knowing that she will run late. Unfortunately I know many like this though and I am sure you know someone as well. This is a habit and one that may be hurting others.
Fact is even if we are miserable in our habit we may make some short term changes but we resort back to what we crave. We resort to the old emotions as well. This is very hard to admit but if we can slow down and observe our response we have a greater chance for change; yes I am talking about awareness. We have years of conditioning to re-work. Worse is we add onto our experiences because we could deflate it and move on, but we cover it up for later.
Imagine holding a beach ball and the ball represents feelings we don't like; anger, rage, sadness, misery, worry and doubt. We will try to push the ball away but it comes back. Then we try to hold the ball under the water and pretend it isn't there. We may notice how much energy it is taking to hold the ball under water but we are used to this feeling and unaware of any other solution.
But what if... we just let the beach ball be there? What if we see the ball but then intensionally notice other things as well. Things we are choosing to focus on; the sky, ground, people, colors, breath, our body. The ball is there but so are so many other things. What if we started to be more self-aware of our reactions?
With this student we have only had a few lessons but I am happy to say that in a short time she is learning how to be with her 'beach ball'. She is also learning why moments of meditation, breath and yoga can help us choose to place our attention on other things. She is looking forward to class with me more and we are working on less self-blame and more about clear ways to communicate and be with right now.
We can't always change others but we can change how we deal with it. The common denominator, as I like to say, is you.
How will you apply this story into your daily life? Maybe find times when you are about to respond and don't block it but be with it; pause. What is the root of that feeling and how can you ask for help? Are there some toxic relationships that need re-evaluating?
I hope this helps you and remember if you need me you can book online appointments for yoga, meditation, Sound Bowl therapy, Yoga therapy and even business or yoga teacher tutoring.
Have a safe day, weekend and I hope to see you online or at the in-person yoga workshop this Sunday in Old Town (see below).
Jai!
---Paige