Let it Be – but how?

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON MARCH 26, 2014

I recently taught a Yin Yoga Workshop for 2 hours. It sounds like a long time for a yoga class but the time flew by! In designing this workshop I found that unlike other styles of yoga, this one allows the practitioner time to reach different phases of the pose that goes way beyond the body. (The physical postures are held longer; anywhere from 3 to 10 minutes.)

Many run all week long with errands, rushing around and trying to fit just one more thing into our agenda. By stopping, observing we can let go for sure. You may have heard a yoga teacher say “let go” but weren’t sure exactly how to do it. So instead you went to sleep, laid there making lists of things you’ll get at the grocery store or just got up and left.

How do we learn to let go? Lets talk about the phases I mentioned earlier. The first phase is one where we are quick to respond to the physical body; often this is a negative response. We get upset, irritated and angry as the mind yells at the physical body for doing this. Even blaming others. The mind likes to say “I would rather be anyplace else but here.” Kind of like a child having a temper tantrum. It is there we stop and focus on the breathe instead. This allows the muscles time to relax and allow the mind to calm down. (The mind isn’t just located in the brain – it is in the entire body.)

From there we may find that the panic we were experiencing wasn’t real and see ourselves loosen up, become less tense and maybe go further physically; only this time without trying so hard…less effort. This is where many styles of yoga may move on – off onto another physical position.

In the moderate flow I teach each week we hold postures longer than vinyasa styles. For those that feel a resistance to Gentle Yoga, this moderate flow finds a nice middle ground. It is here in this third phase that I suggest to let the Physical body go (Anamaya Kosha) and as they have been observing the mind body already (Manomaya Kosha) I offer that they Witness this moment. Witnessing is another step in the Koshas called Vijnanamaya. Here though I am not asking them to change or mold it to what they wanted. Instead take it for what it is. Suggesting to them that there isn’t anything wrong with right there. Enjoy this moment as you won’t have it again.  I’ll say “even if that moment is WTF”.  Laughter happen because of the truth in this moment.

Often we try to be so many things to the world. We have an image of what we want to be and work so hard at it. We fight being where we truly are and it is that struggle that may be hurting us; our afflictions become the source of our suffering. Funny though when we move on in life or in postures we look back at that time and have a different view of it. We can spend so much of that time looking back or wanting that moment to return that we can’t just be right here.

This is the truth or reality though – you can’t make it be something else. For example in yoga I like to have the practitioner do tree pose with a block – either standing on the block or placing the it on the head. Fact is there is fear that rises and the ego knows that they may embarrass themselves if they use the block- others will see that their tree isn’t perfect. The block won’t lie and “I can’t pretend to be something I want to be”. Phases of the posture can take place by witnessing it. Seeing that the fear wasn’t real. Falling – doesn’t mean you failed. Often you just get back up again and try. You learned more from that anyway.

Additionally in our busy lives we start looking for problems or keep busy to avoid being still. If someone does something, says or writes something, someone is there quickly to respond to find a problem with it. I see this even in teaching yoga. Being around other teachers where they want to study the postures, bodies and how to assist – I think many are missing the bigger question. It isn’t about that person’s body looking a certain way; even the way I intended. Instead – I ask “is that person doing something harmful?” Are they hurting themselves? If not – why modify or adjust it? Even as a yoga teacher it is possible to look and find problems in those we see.  I have to witness that and let-it go.

This is why I believe many come to yoga for a short time only to move onto another sport or activity. They become unhealthy, hurt themselves and become tired when they don’t see the results they wanted. They wanted something in themselves that may not be real and as a teacher I feel we are there to help them experience some peace with that.

Instead of resisting we can go to another phase – just being. It is that place I like to think of as “I’m ok”. You don’t feel amazing or bad. You are seeing yourself as it truly is. You just find that middle place where you are ok and don’t have to seek problems. Most importantly when faced with someone else’s comments, anger or hurtful actions, you pause and are ‘ok’. The reality of the moment reminds you of the true self; not the ego that wants to protect itself and hit back in response. This is that final phase of the Kosha’s called Anadamya or Bliss.

Bliss is an interesting word. I used to think of it as this amazing carefree happy place. I think there are clouds with harps playing in the background there (LOL). Suddenly I found myself responding to friends asking me how I was and when I thought about it, I was ‘ok’. Then I sat and thought that isn’t good enough. I would become easily obsessed again. “I should have another goal to achieve.” But I asked myself why? Can’t I just enjoy right now? Then I did. I just stopped and my mind calmed down again. Then later I started to think about bills, house improvements and retirement. I tell myself ‘stop it’. I’ve always been ok and all the worrying didn’t help at all. There are always piles of clothes, dishes, deadlines and bosses at your heals. It takes work each day and even being a yogi doesn’t mean I’m free from the struggles. It means I see it faster, identify it and let go. Now knowing the tools of how to ‘let-go’.

I believe many confuse my message – even in yoga. I’m not saying do nothing at all or never try to go further than you thought. It has to do with the effort to get there. It can happen when I let go. That letting go is mind over matter. I had to realize that I’m never crossing that finish line or celebrating that the “To-Do” list is fully checked off. Life never gets to that place – until we die! Thank God for that! We aren’t dead and very much living. That is why with life changing events many start to see that the things they thought were important weren’t. Instead we start to live each moment just as it is right here and now. The beautiful place that is very much alive and real.

Hope you find these tools helpful to letting go.

“I carry your heart”

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON FEBRUARY 14, 2014

“I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)” E.E. Cummings

I love these words from Cummings as Valentines Day can get lost in all the romantic commercialism.  I look at Valentines as a time of getting out of our head, busy schedules, daily activities and focus on our heart.  Here in the Anahata Chakra where we often guard and protect our feelings.

It is here in our heart that as humans, life is worth living, being.  It is for love that we hope and although there are other emotions, we focus here.

I was recently asked tips about teaching yoga to a mixed group of parents and kids.  I gave my suggestions and interesting enough in my fondest memories I remember watching a Mother take her child into her arms and just hold her, while others were in bridge posture.  This Mother saw that her little girl was bored and the Mother stopped her practice and held her daughter tight.  I remember watching this act of love and even felt I had experienced a small part of it just by watching it.  Yoga doesn’t have to be a posture.  Maybe it is holding a loved one tight and both of you breathing together.

I believe deeply in the power of touch and what it can do.  Done appropriately, it has the power to heal and let out emotions.   I recently watched the movie “Captain Phillips” and the end with Tom Hanks was amazing.  It stars a real life rescue nurse and if you study the effects of human anatomy, as I do, you see what happens when she asks him to breathe, touches his chest (heart) and then lifts one arm up above his head.  It is here that he opens up his emotions, starts to heal and come out of shock.  Yet it doesn’t surprise me.  We still have ways to go at understanding the power of breath and touch.

Additionally I have seen the power of love and touch when I take my dog, Sadie, to see my Mom in her assisted living center.  So many therapy dogs bring smiles to the faces there.  We walk down the hall with Sadie and so many faces light up and we just allow them a moment to pet her and I see how happy they are from that.  After all many there in these homes probably receive medical nurses touching them but aren’t the ones reaching out to touch others; which is why therapy animals help so much.

Additionally to kind love, we carry those that have hurt us in our hearts too.  We talk about being stabbed in the back but that is really the effect of descibing the heart.  Often times we can go a long time, locking up our feelings and storing them, not even aware that we are carrying that baggage with us.

Love sometimes means having enough love for yourself to step away from those that are hurting you. This may mean those that society dictates you should always honor; family, mentors, teachers.  It certainly won’t be easy following your own path, but you don’t have to delete them from your thoughts forever.  You carry them in your heart.  I think about those who hurt me and offer them my forgiveness for not knowing better, for not thinking that there was another way and I hope that they find peace.  I learned so much from their lessons, although they hurt, that I thank them from afar for this development in who I am today.

Therefore instead of spending this day wishing you had a romantic love or telling people “Happy Valentines Day”, consider with honoring yourself.  Take your hand to your own heart and close your eyes.  Take a deep breath in and out.  Start by witnessing the pauses between the inhale and exhale.  After a few minutes slowly open your eyes.  Now to the first person you see, ask them what they did today that made them feel appreciated.  Love them by listening to their story; not offering a quick response, joke or comment.  Just listen.

Peace.

My world is like a Mountain for me

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JANUARY 24, 2014

Here I am standing at the base of a mountain staring at the top. It looks so very long and far from down here.  To be honest, I never thought I would be here at the base and yet here I stand.  I have fought, kicked, stomped and resisted coming down the mountain.  I spent a long time to get where I was; lots of costs, investments, sacrifices to get up the mountain. Even with all that, this is where I’m at?  Are you kidding me?

Ok so be it, I dust myself off and put one foot forward, then the next.  Wow that is different.  Each step reminds me that I may have to reconsider going up the mountain differently.  Now what?  Wide walking stances I go at it slower.  No rush.  No hurry.

I can hear the water flowing at a nearby creek so I stop to sit and think about my approach.   I never noticed this creek before though.  I clean off and stock up on water for my trail.  There are others just hanging out there and we talk for a while.  With an approach in mind, I stand up, say my good-byes and start forward. There are those who would disapprove of my approach but something inside me says this is just right for me.  Some want me to just hang out at the creek.  Yet I know I have to move on.

The wind and cold start to pick up by mid-day.  Oh no – not so soon I tell myself.  I just started.  Fear comes in – will I make it or find myself stuck?  Will others judge me, be happy I fell and say “I told you so.”  I stop and take a deep breath. Standing still, I start to see many going past me on the trail and others who are being taken back down.  I can’t help but want to be like the ones moving up the mountain; so fast and strong. I remember being that person.  I can’t help but also watch those going down; oh so glad that isn’t me right now.  One step forward – just do that much – is what I tell myself. So I start again.

By nightfall I find that there is a meeting place for dinner.  There are those who want to hear about my journey so I sit at a table to share with them.  It is clear that some don’t want to hear the story, so they quickly get up and leave the dining table.   Something in them though looks annoyed and upset.  “I’m sorry” is what I think.  I didn’t mean to bother anyone else. By morning it is my journey all by myself up the mountain.  How do I want to go about making my trip today? I never thought much about how I wanted to go about the trail before; I just did as I was told.  This is a new experience.  You mean I have options?  I start lifting my head and observe the sun shining thru the trees, watch the birds fly and smell the fresh air.   I start greeting those passing me, wishing them a great morning, waving and smiling.    Who cares if they think I’m strange – I like who this person from the inside.  It is a wonderful peaceful feeling.

Along my walk, I stop and take out a compact that has a mirror.  I haven’t seen myself in a while so it surprises me.  Who is this person looking back at me?  I look different than the image I had in my head.  Which is true? The mirror or my mind?   I see all the differences, changes and bad points. I wonder if I could ever look at myself and be happy again.  “Not now” I tell myself.  Just move forward.

By late afternoon a storm comes in and I try to push on as if the storm doesn’t exist.  The rain is  coming in so hard and the earth turns to mud. I slip and start falling down the mountain.  I cry, grip and hold on as hard as I can.  I scream: “I don’t want to go down the hill.  I don’t want to fail!”   Just that moment someone hears me and runs over to offer me shelter.  After helping me to this safe, dry place, she suggests that we just wait; pause.  While sitting I learn from her that she heard my story over dinner the other night, but had left the table to avoid talking to me.  She shares that she too fell down the mountain – many times she says, and didn’t want to be reminded of the feelings; yet she shared with me now and that meant so much to me.  We exchange stories, fears, cry and laugh together.  She says that we both will be fine and yet I know she can’t guarantee that; no matter how much I wish she could.  Once the rain starts to slow down we help each other to get up.  Standing firm, we start walking together up the mountain.

We traveled on the trail together for a while.  Enjoying each other’s company and pace.  However soon we reach a place that she wants to stay at, so I hug good-bye and start to move on.   Something is leading me and I don’t know what it is.  As I start on my own again, I look over from the trail and see a path off to the right that I never noticed before.  It doesn’t look like a direct route, yet an inner force is telling me to give it a try. It is less steep and has a wider trail, so I think I’ll give it a go.

It definitely takes longer to go this new route but I am happy I took it.  It isn’t the route others are taking but I’m no longer finding myself mentally distracted by watching or comparing others momentum.  Nothing against those who are moving faster but this moment is just what I need.  Really nice to slow down and worry less about getting somewhere.  Just be right here. Eventually the modified trail starts to join back to the main one; the one I know so well.   From here I know it is stepper and harder.  Yet I’m no longer afraid of it – I can go about it faster, slower or stop anytime I need.

Nightfall is starting and I start to see fireflies.  The sun is setting and the moon is just starting to reflect its shape.  Climbing higher I feel the altitude changing.   I remember this place and yet it seems different.  Wait – did someone make changes?  Or could it be that I am seeing more than I ever did before?  By morning I wake to see way out to the horizon.  The sunrise is allowing me to see the colors of the suns rays off the clouds I never noticed before.

Just as I’m moving up my trail, my heart starts to beat really fast.   I see a group taking someone down the mountain.  He looks hurt or injured.   I step out of the way and I see that I know him.  I know there isn’t anything I could say or do right now though.  I simply have to let him just be and hope that those helping him will help him on his path.  My way of helping him was just to get out of the way.

By late evening I find myself at a strange spot.  This was it.  This was where it happened.  This is where I had reached before I fell.  Wow – this took more time to arrive at.  Yet I’m standing here and I’m definitely not the same person.  It isn’t different or better.  It is just a place.

That is when something dawns on me.  Each step on the journey was better for me when I just experienced the moment. When I stopped focusing on looking so far ahead – where I wanted to be.   It was never about reaching the peak, place or spot.  We are all going up, down and side paths of the mountain of life.    The wisdom comes from seeing that the fear of falling doesn’t mean that you failed.  You tried – congrats you won!

If you are lucky, like I was, there are those lovely people on the trail that will help you if you ask, those that come and sit with you in silence and those that you never had to ask at all.   To all of you who came to me, especially these past 12 months, I want to thank you for helping me on my mountain trail.   Jai Bhagwan!

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next things that comes along.’  You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”  Eleanor Roosevelt. 

A week away at Kripalu for me

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JANUARY 20, 2014

Here as I sit in this big circle on the floor at Kripalu, so many of us sitting close enough to touch and yet we are keeping our distance.  I look out into the room to see who catches my eye.  We bow to each other and I wonder what this week of exploration will be like; this journey will be together and how we will change.    There are those I’m sure I will know more and those I may never know more than from a distance.  Very much like the ocean, our relationships take on different forms.  We experience calmness, storms, even tsunami waves.  Who gets to see that inner layer of who I really am?   When do I ask for help or realize that the answer was always there?  The key is in the door.

As the week ended, the circle closed in and we were hugging each other good-bye as we backed out and into our lives.  Our hearts filled with love, anger, sadness and fear.  Emotions mixed in together and knowing that is what makes life so amazing!  How boring it would be if it didn’t have the mix – kind of like missing an ingredient in a recipe.  You kinda need them all.

The scars we live with: My Healing Story – part 2

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON DECEMBER 19, 2013

I just had an angiogram and they had to make an incision in the groin area to see and pump iodine up to my neck.  You forget just how much you use this muscle until it has been cut into.  Sneezing, coughing, and walking, all very hard. It had me thinking of scars though.  We all have scars in our lifetime.

Although each scar is unique, some physical and some emotional, often we try to cover up our scars.  Understandable as I hate re-explaining what happened, reliving it over and over, answering if I’m “better now” and then have that sad face look back at me.  I’m not looking for pity and I’m so much more than my scar.  Yet sometimes that is all we can see of a person.  We do it in so many areas – typecast the person who is divorced, has credit problems, is in a wheelchair, or using an oxygen tank.

Let’s face it, I’ve had a bad year physically and this includes weight gain.  I know under it all though that I’m definitely not lazy and have good eating habits.  My body reacted to the stress, less activity, change in age and it reflects physically.   I don’t come out often and tell people about what I’m going thru.  I can tell that judgment is there just based on my outside physical appearance.  I’ve been passed over for some yoga teaching positions based on this.   Society views those strong and skinny as healthy after all.

With yoga I’ve often been interested in our scars and using meditation to help relax the mind.  We often run off and can’t settle our mind.  Meditation isn’t about sitting cross-legged and looking like Buddha though. There are many forms which is great because each of us can find styles that help us; never just one method.  I used mediation a lot the other day in my procedure;  I did a mix of mindfulness and sound.   I could tell from my breath I was getting excited, stressed and anxious.  To calm down I used visualization and sound.

I have a great appreciation for the hard working people at hospitals but one nurse came in and started to give me so much information on what to expect including the feedback they have had on the pain, pinching and complaints.  I do appreciate it but it was right there I decided to just breathe.  Counted my breath first, long inhales and exhales.   As I settled down I moved on to sounds – I would just hum a tune of positive words over and over.  (“Candy Girl. You are my world’) Lastly stuck in a strange, cold room, with a machine all around me, feeling a bit scared, I focused on one staring point above me.  Eyes open I watched this one point and counted my breath; Inhale (one), Exhale (two), Inhale (three) etc.

Turned out meditation helped manage the pain and experience.  The procedure was over before I knew it and the hardest part was lying on my back flat for 6 hours.   I had to stay on my back and eat that way as well.  That was quite an experience.  Don’t choke, do eat something and lay flat.   I’ll spare you the details of trying to use the bathroom lying down.  But just know, it is quite hard.

Now days later the pain and recovery is from the muscles.  The emotional healing is taking time as well to heal from all that has happened in the past 11 months.  Last week I walked thru the halls at the hospital where I was earlier this year; found it strange that I wanted to cry.  It was here in these cold halls that I would be wheeled down to MRI rooms, going slowly over bumps, wait and wait, then wait some more.  Did all that with such pain.  I had thought so much was behind me until I walked these halls last week.  Maybe I’m still healing then.

We are often so quick to cover up our scars, make others feel comfortable.  I know I did.  Let’s cover that up and act like nothing happened.  I’m fine. That is what others want to hear right?  Then comes the comments from others like “If anyone can kick this you can” or “You can win this war”.  Don’t get me wrong I do understand the comments and always appreciate those that care enough to follow up.  But let’s face it, the comment is there to help them – not me.  The person in the midst of any pain, health crisis, trauma etc feels alone.  This is their experience and sometimes it just happens as a part of life.  There don’t have to be reasons why.  Sure there are things that may help ease but then again it may not.  I often used to say control is an illusion.  Not that I’m giving up but let’s face it, I’m certainly not in control, don’t have all the answers and as we often say in yoga, I have to – let go.

It is hard enough keeping track of my medical history, prescriptions, dosage and records.  Not to mention various passwords I have in my life. (Topic for a different article though).    I see areas in medical practices where so many are running around, aren’t eating healthy, over-working long 12 hour days and with all the data to track on each person something is missed.   Therefore you have to be your best advocate.    Know yourself.

I saw my family doctor the other day.  She and I were talking about the fact that so few have a family doctor who knows them anymore.  This doctor would have seen you healthy, knows what is normal for you.   I was explaining to her that I see her even though her location is not as convenient as others.  She knows my background, that my temperature runs a bit below normal, so 99.1 definitely makes me feel quite warm and that I prefer to do without prescriptions as much as possible.  This doctor would know what is common or unusual for you.

I see the same with yoga though.  So many jump from yoga class to yoga class – moving around to places for the best financial deals, locations and time slots.   Never a concern for the quality instruction they are receiving.  Furthermore I know from a student/ teacher prospective that the more you see the same person, even for a bit, the more you learn about yourself thru them.

Every class I teach I see those with various injuries.  Each time I’m hoping they will return again as I know it would only help them and me to work with  them.   Yoga was never about the position they wanted to get into.  I just want them to heal and to do what they need to grow awareness.  Not worry about being  some image they want to be.  For example,  I have a young lady who has scoliosis and is also pregnant.  I know that the shape of her spine is changing during this time and what I do is offer her positions for one side of her body.  So much in yoga is taught linear, done in a line and then the same pattern repeated immediately on the other side.  What I’m trying to do is separate the comparison for her and just watch one side for a while.

It takes a lot to let the scars show and then try to love yourself just as you are.   There may be those that understand where I’m coming from and that I’m not weak for sharing it.  Instead I’ve used what happened to me to teach others; pay it forward and understand the mindset, obstacles and fears.  I’m not there to do more than listen, guide and sometimes I just have to tell them “that sucks”.  Now let’s move on with who you are right now; after all it could be worse.

Finding bliss – on our own

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON DECEMBER 13, 2013

Today there are many movies and TV shows showing those using and abusing drugs; Breaking Bad, Weeds, Mad Men, Homeland etc.  (please note:  I love these shows).  Even in parts of the country, DC being the closest to me, are now allowing the use of medical marijuana; as if prescribed drugs makes it better or safer.

I say this as I had a student who recently told me that her boyfriend came to my class and said he had experienced the same feeling as ‘getting high’.  He said I should market it for that feeling as that is really a bigger seller than strength or flexibility.  That many today would rather come to class for this feeling anyway.

Let me just add that I grew up the child of a drug abuser but I do understand the point being made.  I’m not pushing ‘getting high’ and I do understand the need one may have want to escape.  Furthermore there are many cases for the use of drugs; cancer victims for example.   The main difference is that yoga will give this feeling only you aren’t escaping – you are learning to face situations & feelings.

Right now I know of someone who has a sibling who is dealing with a serious pain injury in his life.  He has turned to yoga as he has described the feeling in his closing yoga class as one where he blacks out – even forgets everything in the past, even the class he just completed.  He is finding that place we call ‘bliss’ – that moment.

I teach many kinds of yoga classes including prenatal yoga; knowing fully well what these two men are feeling and describing.  We laugh when we hear it but I do understand the reasons for it.  We already know that yoga helps with serious times of challenge, pain and stress.  Still we don’t see it sold or advertised to help in cases of mild or serious trauma.

As humans we have a desire to feel great and avoid pain as often as we can.  We remember that feeling but often forget what got us there and repeat it.  Yoga may seem a strange solution and yet it doesn’t just have to be yoga.  Many have this same feeling from running, swimming and sometimes from unhealthy habits as well.  The point is to build awareness to the psychological need you are having at that moment; deciding if it is real or just an impulse. “It will pass” is what I often say in classes.

The brain being the main focus – substances cause reactions to the body of course but also to the brain signals.   The receptors react with each person differently which is why the amount can vary person to person.  Most find temporary relief this way by cutting off the discomfort.  I’m not saying that there isn’t a time to resort for this solution.  I’ve never been an advocate this way; even in prenatal avoiding drugs should you need it.  However it is temporary and there are always things that happen as a result from it.  All I really want is for the individual not to react in fear and make the right choice from a different part of their brain function.

I’m not writing this article to point out the medical situations of using or not using drugs though.  I’m only pointing out the similarities and differences between using substances or using natural methods.

Although it may give similar feelings, there are differences in how we each react to pain.   I have loved sharing the quote from Marilyn Monroe this year:  “When you don’t have money, the problem is food.  When you have money, it’s sex.  When you have both it is health… then you’re frightened of death.”  This coming from someone who died of a drug overdose; yet her words point out that each of us have differences in making our decisions that we focus on.

I can’t expect someone who is poor and hungry to focus on health, eating organic or concerned with building a family.  Each of us is dealing with ways to balance in this journey thru life; this balance is in many areas – work, religion, family, money and charity.  Once we are off balance we look for way to fulfill the basic human needs.  Very much as if we are in the deep end of the pool and reaching for anything to help us.  We may find a temporary solution and still we toss ourselves back into the deep end again and again.  Drugs do this of course and yet you haven’t fixed the problem.

Yoga as an alternate solution does a lot to the body and mind; many, even medical professionals aren’t exactly sure why it works but they know it has had results.  Believe in energies or not, you are moving the energy around all the time – especially in the postures.   Some postures keep the energy locked and others let it escape.   Add in deep breath and you are increasing blood circulation that only helps the heart, brain and lungs (among others).

To feel satisfied and fulfilled simply watch your breath.  Train yourself to watch the thoughts you are having.  Watch and pause.  It isn’t beating yourself up for the thoughts and feelings you are having.  When we do this act of pausing, over and over, we notice the negative feelings come up first.  Stop, wait and smile.  You aren’t alone in what I call the “WTF” moment.  That is when you find out it wasn’t real.  See that you reacted.  Often in classes the words letting go I feel are used all too early.  Letting go is last after this step but first you have to be aware that you are doing it.

Many I see come to yoga for different reasons.  What can’t be seen though is the mind.  It is with this that new and sometimes better choices are made.  That is what goes off the mat, outside the classroom, to areas in life from work, family and food.  It is a result but not the expectation.  In truth you return to what we call ‘the true self’; sounds cheesy I know.  But this again is about you finding your natural way of being well… you.  Not the you were, wanted to be or someone’s version of you.   Is different and unique for each of us.  If we stop and listen we may find it.  I see those in my recruiting world in the same situations.  They lose a job and quickly just want the replacement; even if it was unhealthy.  They have a way of life they believe needs to be maintained and they can’t think of letting go.  However it isn’t real.   I too lost my job unexpectedly and know the shocked feeling; very similar to loss of a loved one.  You lose your breath.   Stop, pause and don’t panic is what I often suggest.

This doesn’t mean that yoga will be the cure all solution though.  Many get addicted to yoga just as much.  They often changed one addiction for the other.  They are busy on postures over and over and some saw the results from this so they stay with it.   For others it may take time but they usually end up injured.   Listening to yourself (or the universe as I believe) takes practice.

Yoga is not perfection it is a practice.  I follow the Yoga Sutras which is a very old text of yoga.  The 8 limbs is mentioned in the string (text).  The limbs though aren’t meant to be applied in order.  They are always at practice, building and changing.  This feeling of “high” is what is Samadhi; the last limb.    It is a higher state that contains the larger view of the consciousness, where dualities melt away and oneness exists.

Some may find Samdhi for a moment or not at all.   For those that want to explore this 8th limb more  – make the prayayama (breath control) the focus vs the postures or asana.  Asana is the result not the solution or expectation after all.

So as far as marketing is concerned:  Hope to see you on the mat sometime soon where I’ll be teaching those the art of getting high on their own.    (LOL)

My Journey as a Prenatal Teacher

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON NOVEMBER 11, 2013

I studied with a very experienced prenatal yoga teacher Indra Mohan recently.  She learned from Krishnamacharya during the later part of his life, although many don’t know her name here in the West.  Was quite amazing to sit and talk in a small room of women who teach prenatal yoga in the DC area.  What I liked was you could she is proud to be a woman and isn’t trying to offer yoga based on a specific style.  Instead she teaches from a place of what is right for that student or individual.  I know this can be hard as here in the West we have very large classrooms.  She does more one on one; and part of the reason I prefer smaller prenatal groups of 10 or less myself.  Indra talked about certain postures and breath being done; many that don’t help women at all.  Actually some can cause harm to women and even miscarriages.   Much can be taught in the name of yoga that isn’t helping the function or body type.

She discussed a lot of the positions she suggests for prenatal.  What I liked was taking a step back and examining the health reasons to do the posture.  Instead of doing what is ‘classical’ based on a specific style, we examined what helped women who are pregnant.  For a long time yoga wasn’t taught to women, muchless those who were pregnant.  I saw pictures of Krishnamahcaryas wife and the yoga she did that was different than that of her children or her husband.

I say this knowing I’ve seen many come to prenatal yoga with either a yoga or an exercise practice, and they know they have to do something else.  First off, it is great when we stop trying so hard and let go.  We find we give ourselves what we need – not what we want.   Although when our body is changing it can feel very much like a form of punishment; almost as if your body has been taken over by an alien.  Also society comes in and treats you a certain way  and may think that all expecting mom’s feel beautiful, blissful or happy; yet maybe the mother doesn’t feel that way.   Maybe she feels tired, bloated and ugly.   Hard to let go of what society has told one to feel and yoga will give you a moment to just be as you are now; not one or the other.  I believe this helps after the birth just as much.  All so hard when you find the attention going towards the baby and if it is directed towards the mom, it is to have a stranger rub the belly or give you a special parking spot.    Being pregnant is not an illness and yet many treat it as a medical condition.

During this journey prenatal yoga will do far more than simply get you ready for the labor.  To be honest, nature takes care of the delivery.   Women have given birth for a long time and physically the body is preparing for this; we just have to get out of our own way.  How do we do that? Breathe.   Keep it long, cool and smooth.  Why? For one major reason – it helps the nervous system and therefore our brain function.   This way we can learn to be in situations, learn, observe, breathe and pause.  Our mental choices may be different than we originally thought.  After all those first reactions often want to take over and we panic.  So prenatal yoga allows you to do postures that are healthy for you and learn how to use them as a tool with the breath.  Physical posture/body is a tool – quite different from having an expectation of what we thought we would look like and making it fit that.

There are many postures the expecting mom’s may like or be able to do, however I ask them to consider why they are doing it.  Again is it healthy or best for them?  How do we know?  How do you feel on the inside? How is the breath?  There are many postures one may be drawn too; however it may not help the function of your body.  For example some may like reclining bound angle pose (Supta baddha Konasana) even with the bolster at a 45 degree angle.  However how is this helping their low back or tailbone?  They may be drawn to it because they are used to the collapsing shape in their low-back from their lifestyle.  Instead sitting up in Baddha Konsana may be a healthier option; lifting out of the low back.

Today, there are so many birthing options, books, internet sites and the problem can be information overload.  This can leave an expecting mom unsure of which direction to take and finding time to be ready.  I see those with ‘birthing plans’ and although it is good to have an idea, I really want them to deal with now and deal with the labor when it comes.  Creating awareness is not easy and many find themselves in labor yet not aware; we are used to pushing thru discomfort.  Instead I want them to work on removing the judgment, disappointment, failure and make the best choice in the posture right then; watch the breath and decide from there if that means going further or doing less.  Surprise yourself in either choice.  Learning to let go of the fear.

Being in a Prenatal Yoga class allows the expecting moms to be around other moms; you just don’t get this in a video.    The stories each of them share are amazing.  I had one who shared that she found it useful to use the image of a Mother Cat giving birth and the face and expression of that cat was one she used first in class and then in labor.  She found herself taking from nature and applying it.

I’ve seen so many different body types and equally many different delivery stories.  Some have truly amazed me that they were able to pick a repeating positive word, sound or focus and this made them calm in the midst of a crazy situation.

Many come to prenatal because a friend, doctor, mid-wife, spouse referred them.  They were told it will help them in labor, create strong legs or help them breathe.  It does this of course, but yoga does so much more than many are aware of.   For this reason many come even after a long day or week because they know that prenatal yoga is allowing them sleep well, feel great and just be nicer to those around them.

 Smile from the inside and it will be seen. 

“The spirit of envy can destroy; it can never build.”

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON NOVEMBER 3, 2013

Being or finding happiness is an inside job.  This means it is a lot of work and my responsibility.   Lately I’ve been asking those around me to play a game.  Smile at a stranger, hold the door for someone who is carrying items, call someone you haven’t talked to in a while.  Ready? Go!    Be nice, think nice and act nice.  

We will work on looking great in an outfit, work-out to get a great six pack or get surgery to look great on the outside.  How are you on the inside though?  Abraham Lincoln said you have to make up your mind to be happy.  It starts with just deciding to be so.  No reason necessary.  

If you thought that was hard work, it is even harder to be happy for another.   Envy is an emotion, along with fear or anger, that often rise up first.   You know what I’m talking about.  That person just cut you off, got a promotion over you, or took the last cupcake at the bakery.  We justify it and get mad at everyone else around us.  “They are stupid”  or “Such an idiot”. 

If only the world did what you wanted… then all would be well. Right?  Yet where is that place?  Does it really exist?   Where was this place where everyone did what you wanted, had your beliefs and said “you know you were right all along.”  Not only does that not happen but we often end up moving onto another event and finding that next struggle or disappointment.  Maybe because it is like a warm blanket of comfort to feel this way.  

Each of us knows at least one person who is upset all the time. Almost afraid to ask them how they are because it is never good news. I don’t have a desire to control them or help them though.  All I can do is to choose to be around happy places, people and things.  However secretly I laugh as I don’t go out of my way to make that person unhappy but as it happens I often just reflect that somehow I disappointed them again.  Almost like a ticker – check.  Done it again.  

In recruiting we see this a lot as we meet those who constantly want to pass the buck. It is never them.  Someone has let them down to their lists of expectations.  My colleague likes to tell me she is ‘managing the disappointment of others.’  Sometimes it can feel that way.  One letdown and then another.  Even when I get people ready for interviews I’ll ask them ‘so when you are in an interview and asked why you are looking – what do you say?’  They go on and on about what they want, why it is great for them.  I wait for them to even mention if they have or are what the other person may want or need. 

Being happy can have an interesting impact around you.  I love smiling and watching strangers smile back.  However there are those that don’t like that you are happy; yes even those yogi’s.  Maybe they can’t trust it or just be happy for the other person right then, that moment.   I have a co-worker with an amazing laugh and I know of those who would get upset at it.  She could care less but it is interesting that someone else’s happiness bothers others.

In yoga I love teaching about the emotion of envy.  In positions or posture we are often caught comparing ourselves.  We are quick to wonder if it is right, correct or compare.   If someone next to us is able to do something the other can’t, what is the first emotion?  If the person next too you is smaller or larger, how quick are we to determine their character.  Do we wish that they would fall or fail somehow to make us feel better?  Most laugh when I suggest this but we don’t want to admit we think it.  How many of us watch a TV show just to get this feeling? I hear many say they watch to see that they aren’t so bad after all. 

Off the mat I see it a lot.  Even today I see cases of rape or sexual assault going on in the press.  We are quick to take the victim and make her a slut or somehow deserving of it.  Did she walk home in the dark, drink alcohol or trust her attacker – maybe she liked the person and “wanted this”.  All items that may have occurred but did she ever deserve to be attacked?  No she didn’t.   

I remember when my Father past away, 25 years ago today actually. It was an unexpected heart-attack. My family were all in a state of shock to say the least.  I remember going to the pharmacy that night to get my Mother a prescription to calm her.  I don’t remember much about the event being in that state.  What I do remember was getting to the back pharmacy counter at the same time as another customer who just wanted to check out as the line was shorter than upfront in the store.   I just wanted to get the prescription. The clerk saw us and told me to wait while she checked the person out.  My friend stepped up and said “please let her go ahead as she just lost her Father”.  Each person, clerk to the customer, offered compassion immediately and yet the circumstances weren’t any different than a moment before.  Why can’t we all assume that the person around us may be someone who needs our support and less judgement?  We use excuses such as time for our behavior but how much time are we really saving?  What if we lived as if we all knew each other and that our lifespan gave each of us only one more day to live? Would you behave differently?   We all see this in our community every now and then in times of tragedy.  We all pull together and help.  So why not work each day to stay that way?

Something to think about the next time someone cuts you off.  Maybe there is a very good reason.  That colleague got a promotion you wanted. Ok.  Now can you be happy for them? Just as you would want them to be happy for you?  As to that last cupcake – well maybe it was just meant to be.  Maybe you try something else and discover how great that was.  Maybe it was meant to happen and you were never in control. Just along for the ride.  

As to those who may be suspicious of my smile & happiness I just offer them not to get too close.  It is contagious.

Open Skate!

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON OCTOBER 16, 2013• ( LEAVE A COMMENT )

The mind is interesting.  Some remember details and others can’t tap into them at all.  Memory is quite interesting.  My earliest memory goes back to 4 years old.  I was sitting out on the front steps of our apartment. I remember others being there and my Father coming up with a bag.  He asked me if I could guess what was in it and I said “Roller Skates!”

I was correct.   It was the 70’s and skating was big.  I have a picture I love of my sister and myself and although you can’t see it, we were on those first skates trying to embrace and not fall.  We would get skating clothes and shirts that said “Kids that skate need love too!”.

We were a ‘skating family’.   We moved from those training wheels to making our own skates with faster ball wheels made for outside along with stylist tennis shoes.  I started out skating outside,often following my Father to work or on Sundays we would skate up to Giffords in Silver Spring for fun.   My Father used to take the metro to his office and get off may stops away and skate the rest.  There he would be in his suit and skating to and from work.  He was in a few Washington Post articles talking about this “skater” to work.  Seems odd now that this was unusual considering today many use different equipment to get to work, but it was unique then.

I eventually moved from skating outside to the roller rink.  My Dad hated the rink; just one big circle he felt and would rather be outside.  Yet he would take us on Thursday nights to Congressional Rink – now a big strip mall in Rockville.  I can still see and smell the rink.  It was an old time rink with black bars, lots of overhead lights and a record booth to play songs.  On the old wooden floor were patterns if you were learning practicing formal styles; such as a figure 8 on the floor – point was to push off on one foot hold and then as it changed you went to the other.  Some learned to do this with couples and it looked like a waltz.

Eventually moving into the 80’s and turning into a young woman, I needed something much more up to date.  I discovered ‘Wheel-A-While’ which had cool rock & disco music, smoother wooden floor, colorful disco lights, seats covered in carpet, no metal bars and if you weren’t skating tons of video games to play.  If you were lucky, some cute unknown boy would ask you to couples skate.

Funny thing with the memory I can’t remember when I stopped skating.  I remember getting ready to go to the rink with my girlfriends in high school.  Before we went we had to get ready.  There with Brian Adams songs we would take our jeans and make them even tighter around the ankle.  There we were cutting up our expensive $30 jeans and sliding them on just like a pair of tights.  That was the style to have them tapered it the ankle and then ware a big over-sized shirt with shoulder pads.  One big V shape – oh so stylish then!

My last pair of skates I made I wanted to revert to the traditional white boot and indoor hard wheels.   I still have them and I remember going back to the rink in my late 20’s and seeing that I could still do it!

Now in my 40’s I feel like it was just yesterday.  I saw some girls just the other day using  their rollerblades and it took me back to the day I was learning to balance.  I started with my skates balancing on the grass; allowing myself to feel it within.  Even when I was in the hospital earlier this year and I had to start over walking, balancing and I used the wall, chairs and floor to help me.  The Therapist observed that within a few baby steps my mind was connecting to the body.  There trying to balance on my feet or knees all over again.   I knew immediately it was better to go about it this way than try again and again with failure.  I had to calm down, feel it and observe.  Arm balances, something I have always enjoyed is still tough but it is coming back.

Thinking of it now though, maybe my mind was also taping into a memory I didn’t know about at all… tapping into that same feeling at 4 years old of balancing on skates.  You are never too old to learn or re-learn!

Yoga being very popular right now will change I’m sure over the next few years.  Just as skating was big in the 70’s and early 80’s it moved on, got smaller and transformed to rollerblades.    Yet it had been around a long time before.  Yoga has as well yet many are treating it as pure exercise so it is very much a big trend.  As our human nature we don’t balance things, even those good things for us we tend to overdo;.  food, songs , clothes and even yoga poses.   Soon I suspect there will be a yoga studio across from a yoga studio… just like Starbucks.

Yoga is always changing and I believe that if you don’t worry about the external changes, you’ll be fine.  Indra Mohan who I met last month has been practicing a long time.  Today she does more one on one classes.  It takes discipline to stay with what you believe in and even with society all around you reacting in fear, you keep it simple and stand still.  Balance.

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON OCTOBER 9, 2013

“I meant what I said and I said what I meant.” From Dr Seuss – from Horton Hatches and Egg.   Funny how these childhood stories can come back to us later in life and have a different and sometimes deeper meaning.

In this Dr Seuss story Horton has promised to watch an egg and even with the worst weather, conditions, being teased and humiliated, he stays on the egg.   All because he made the promise and reminded himself that he was a person of his word.

Sounds so easy but how often do we slip away from our promise and dedication?  Takes a lot to stay with a goal and often on the worst days stay with it.  No it isn’t easy, many will criticize, but that is the day you put your feet on the floor and one foot in-front of another.

I see this a lot in the corporate world.  I put myself thru years of night school while I worked to pay for my education.  Then I sat and completed my CPA.  I do hear from many who were surprised I “made it” – as many would give up on a long term goal. You can’t think about that though; instead you make short term plans to get there.  I’m not saying don’t change your expectations or directions – just don’t do that out of fear.  Don’t stop just because it wasn’t fast, easy or simple.

We have to practice and develop compassion to our responses as well.  When I teach prenatal women I love their stories.  Their body is changing yet in their mind they are a different person.  Externally the rest of the world see’s them differently.   Hard for them not to feel a little invaded when some stranger reaches out to pat their belly.  Furthermore society has dictated how they should look, feel and even deliver.

We judge, comment and criticize so fast.  Even in my office I often wish the “reply to all” button was followed by an “Are you sure?” button.  Often we all are caught up in mass replies and wish the madness would stop.  However we defend it by announcing that we are just ‘keeping it real”.  We may not stop and think about others at all; what will that person think when I respond with these words?

Many put their social media images out there and the argument is that if you put yourself on-line, that you should be open for the harmful comments.  You ever try to put a song-list out or recipe out and have comments from that?  All you wanted to do was share but someone is ready to judge.  How about expressing facts about a new law?  I did this simply stating the 2014 penalties and got quick comments about how the “Right” or “Big Corporations” were to blame.  I wasn’t blaming or stereotyping – just stating it as I know those who need to save for it.  Agree or not with the individual/topic but “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”  Your response doesn’t have to harm back to make a point.  Sometimes we will even reply back with a smily face or say we were joking.  However if you have to say that, then the joke isn’t funny; just consider.

The flip part of Horton’s story is that consideration for changes along the way weren’t an option; asking for help for example. There is a time to do things but we should always re-examine.   I can see it in those who decide to jog again to get into shape.  They jogged when they were teens so they return to what they know. Yet watching their expressions they look miserable.  Would it be so bad to walk instead? Maybe swim?  I know of those now in their late 30’s who are having joint surgeries because of the wear and tear.  They aren’t listening to their bodies and instead stick with this image in their mind.  They will get shots to numb the pain, have replacements and resume the same activity.

This ultimately faces the Western Dilemma of if it isn’t working, do more, go harder and “just do it”. I encourage those I teach that there is a time to go further and time to pull back.  There is a time do more and time to do less.  Workday going badly?  That isn’t the day to stay late and push more.  That is the day to go home, rest and start over tomorrow.  On the better day do more.  How do you know which is which?  Start with where your breath is at;breath will tell you and always be honest with you.  It is hard to change this mindset and see that by un-doing it will take you further.

A.G. Mohan has said “it is much harder to correct wrong knowledge than to teach new ideas”.  This is why I find it fun to teach those just starting out in yoga – beginners as they like to be called.  They come in all forms and age.   They are open to considering suggestions on yoga, therefore I find there is less to correct.  I have one beginner student, Jessica, who I just love watching week after week.  I will have her try something even for the first time and if she succeeds or fails she laughs.   I love that!  She came with no experience in yoga, such a worried look of failing, and now is learning that it isn’t about perfection.

Last weekend I had a few amazing moments around the yoga spaces.  I was there for some going thru some tragic items in their life; divorce, injuries and even rape. They chose to share and for that I will keep it confidential.   However they go quickly thru the emotions of fear, anger, disappointment and embarrassment.  I’m glad I was there to get each of them to stop and breathe.  Stop worrying about bothering others.  Point was to let them feel it and not push it away.

When we hold and try to make it fit we often look like the stepsisters in Cinderella who keep trying to make the shoe fit.  We want it to fit, we have an image of a life would be like if it did fit, and we’ll step on each other to get there if need be.   Stop instead and practice the art-form of wishing the one who the shoe belongs too best wishes, love and compassion.    This may not have been your shoe to wear but the one for you is just as rewarding.

For those of you that know me well know that for over 12 years I have had this speach in a frame at my desk:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt

Relax! Don’t do it…when you want to go to it

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON SEPTEMBER 20, 2013• 

“Yoga is like music…there is no end” Sting.   I’m known for my music in my yoga classes.  I’m ok with this but many may not know that a lot is going on behind my song lists.  I plan carefully the intension of the music, timing and message.

Why? Because often we can tap into the emotions with the sound.  With music we often have a past with it.  We tend to categorize ourselves into what we feel we hate or like and we let it become our personality.

As a child I would listen to The Beatles on my Mom’s old 45 record player.   Of course today when I listen to their songs the meanings are quite different.   Therefore with our age we will change, develop and grow; kinda like a wine!.   Funniest is when I would sing to songs only to discover the words I was singing were wrong; many Radiohead songs for example.  Just like that experience with music, yoga’s meaning and the experience changes.  Something in the mind said “That makes more sense now.”  Ever tried headstand and had a teachers words make sense and you put that into play?  You were open to considering it.

Just like yoga if I allow myself to let go of the boundaries I gave myself I can see that the horizon is much larger than I gave it credit for.  Maybe it isn’t ALL Jazz or Rap you dislike – but instead be open to an artist. Instead of generalizing we can observe our reaction, pause and consider what that was about.

Music is powerful and can stir emotion. I’ve had students release and start to cry on the mat.  Not only with the yoga but I timed the music with the pose and intension/focus.  Often though the crying was something that person is or had gone thru that is released.  The sounds and poses only helped them.   We store a lot of feelings we may not be aware of.  When you think about it we are so carefully guarded and protect ourselves.  Have you ever noticed love songs  discussing the impact of the heart?  “She broke my heart”.  We feel so deeply physically in the heart and it is scary to let go of it.  Often times we are addicted to the pain- looking for the next item to disappoint us because that is easier than changing.

I once had a student who came up to me so enraged that I had used “The Who” in my mix.  She told me she ‘wanted to rip her ears out.’  Immediately I discussed why she felt this way – it wasn’t the music.  Just as I like to teach, the only control you have is your reaction to it, I wasn’t sure why she was more set on blame than dealing with the emotion.  Even her friends came up after to tell me she was going through a personal loss.  I only regret that she didn’t make this connection with her reaction and others around her saw it.

Often in life we will have distraction and our peace is within.  “Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”

When I teach women who are about to give birth; they know all too well how powerful the mind is.  While delivering they will have tons of distractions, noise and hard work.  They have to breathe and find their own ‘zone’.  Tone, songs, sounds help and we know this to be true to help the body and mind especially in times when we are challenged.

Interesting how we know it helps women giving birth but we loose track of applying it elsewhere.  Even busy Mom’s can find the ‘calm mind’ with children screaming around them if they use the breath.

In my class the music is there to help you learn to concentrate and breathe.  You can chose to reflect on the sounds in a fun positive way or focus so much that you don’t even hear it.  It takes practice and becomes a exercise of the mind.

I have XM, Pandora, I-Tunes, Spotify and various music options; so I often just flip and surprised by what it lands on.  Hearing artists old and new.  Songs that give new meaning and some that send me back to former times. Sometimes I add in nature sounds to my mixes.  Lately I had one with children at a playground.  Point was with the noise around you, can you see that you are not a part of it, pause and watch it go past you.   The mind jumps from thought to thought like a monkey.  Train the monkey to stay put by watching your breath. It may not do it at first; just like a child throwing a fit.  Just try it again and again and see that it calms down.

Yes, I do sing in my car.  I’m surprised that I haven’t had more cars honking but I sing and without a care who see’s me.   I encourage singing in the car, shower or office!  Yes we sing at my office – often to the dislike of a few around us. Yet the older, lets call it mature, colleagues like to sing while we work; tossing out classics to see if someone else remembers it.  “You don’t have to be beautiful…to turn me on.”  Besides when you sing the exhale is used and often longer, so for those taking shallow breathes all day, this helps your body and your mind; even if you don’t know it. So  Snow Whites “Whistle While You Work” may have a point that means more now than it did when I was a child.

There is no end as Sting said.  It keeps developing, growing, breaking down and changing; which is really the beginning if you think about how it revolves around and around (Like a Record!)
Now – “If your happy and you know it clap your hands”  – that song often puts a smile on faces and sends us back to a moment in time.  Clap Clap!

Eye of the Tiger – “Your going to hear me Roar”

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON SEPTEMBER 2, 2013

Sometimes all we get is a moment, a few seconds to be brave, courageous and try something different or new; be our own champions.   I see it day after day with those coming into yoga with fear and expectation.  Beyond that though if you look closely you can see them figuring out that life is this amazing adventure as they enjoy the journey; less about the destination.

Many may come to yoga for one reason but find a different reason to return.  It isn’t something they can usually explain though; they just feel it.  Interesting though as it isn’t me doing that- it is the yoga at work.

This is true just watching them come into a studio to inquire and learn more.  They already changed a habit and did so much more than they may be aware of.  Often I see many who feel they have to understand yoga or be masters of it.  I do understand them trying to figure it out, however I offer that yoga is like dating… you have to just try it out to see what works.  Nobody can tell you what works for you.   Not even a teacher.

So why a classroom vs a video?  Nothing beats having someone watch what you are doing.  Suggestions and changes should be made to fit you in that moment.  You may not be aware of items such as your breath or body position.  I have someone I work with and to many they would think she can do some advanced postures.  Yet to her she has an injury and feels it when I have her adjust even a bit; it doesn’t feel natural to her.  She  can do the most amazing postures that require a bend in the hip but she needs more back strength to help her physically and emotionally.  She is on the journey of realizing we are all injured – some just more than others.  So no pity – making a mental choice to change the outlook.

I remember going to my first yoga class. I used to work next door to a yoga studio. I would hear the bangs on the wall and we would laugh.  We thought yoga was so peaceful so we didn’t know what was going on.  So a girlfriend and I decided to sign up for this Iyengar class for 8 weeks.  The teacher sat and told us about her foot injury and how years later she was healed.  We then spent an entire class in one position… mountain or standing posture.  As a person in her 20’s I wanted more of a physical challenge but I can appreciate what she did then; It just took time is all.

I left yoga and didn’t return for some years until I had a life changing accident.  Very little was spoken about the breath or emotion, which is a shame.  The teacher would simply demonstrate and adjust.  I remember watching with disbelief that I could balance on one leg in Half Moon.  The block I was reaching for felt so far away.

I didn’t give up though and explored with so many styles of yoga since then.  I even resisted chanting till one day I let go of that fear.  It was my own personal step in this direction that changed my journey.  Of course I understand that not everyone is interested in being healthy or happy. Some take a different path or stay on the road they were on.  They accept this and almost give up on life.

However only you can change the path you are on if you want something else; even for a few seconds.  No it isn’t easy, it may hurt and not feel natural.  Certainly isn’t fair but who told you it would be? It takes a lot of courage and work to do this though.  There aren’t awards or prizes for doing what is right for you.  Often we have to experience both the failure and the success to appreciate them.

Even in prenatal yoga I find those who are discovering this journey as they get ready for a painful situation. They come as they were told it helps but don’t know why exactly. I don’t think doctors even understand why so much; many point to what they can see but it goes deeper.  I watch these Mom’s surprise themselves so much as they learn to pause more and breathe.  I give them permission to do what is best for them.  Learn to say “no thank you”.

I had a student who just told me a story about how she coached her friend delivering her baby last week.  Her friend felt embarrassed and kept apologizing to everyone.  She felt she may do the same, as she was going to deliver soon, and be around many who will be there to help her.  Although she knows it is silly reaction, nothing these professionals haven’t seen before, she admitted it is hard not to feel sorry.   Interesting as she said shoe on the other foot and she didn’t care at all about anything but helping her friend deliver her baby.  She never once thought how gross or strange it was.  It was the mental outlook of the experience.

Posture as a tool, not a reward, can teach us that the mind is that powerful. If we listen we can tell just when to do more or to do less.  When to stop and when to go.  Often we are like the car running on overdrive while the oil light is on. If we don’t listen to it, it will stop on us.  Yet we treat our cars often with more respect than ourselves.  We feel bad taking time off from work or family to go to our yoga.

I immediately took the opportunity after hearing the prenatal woman’s story to have us in the prenatal yoga class do a group posture in Tree Pose.  When I talk to students after class they express a kind of pressure when first coming into the group to do a pose.  They don’t mind failing or falling if they were on their own but suddenly in a group they worry about letting someone down or hurting them.  It is in this experience though that we repeat it, breathe and the feelings change.  The fear goes away. We aren’t letting anyone down if we step out of the posture, if we don’t go as far as someone else or go further with the help of those around us.

Just as this woman experienced with her friends labor, the fear isn’t real.  When you do any posture it can teach you this if you let it.  Even a person just starting can feel great finding the balance between challenge and letting go.  Right in the middle – finding this place where you can enjoy the journey.

“Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man”

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON AUGUST 13, 2013•

The Sanskrit word Ahimsa.  Some of us know this as the first limb in yoga from the Sutras.  Yet the Sanskrit word may be misleading being translated into English.  Non-harming or avoiding injury is a negative word so some prefer to use positive words.  No matter the word though, the first reaction may be “of course” I wouldn’t harm anything.  But it goes deeper into our own state of mind; includes one’s deeds, words and thoughts each moment of our life. What is harmful to one person may not be so to another.   Additionally we may be unaware or resist.  So how do we decide what is right?

If we make choices based on Ahimsa, we find that the rest of the limbs, from the Sutras, fall into place.  Even if you don’t know the limbs- you may know “the golden rule”.  Do unto others, do the right thing, good karma, etc.  For example, you can’t be healthy if you steal, are untruthful, lustful or possessive.

I’m not denying that we are human and do unhealthy things.   Truth is some may not care about being healthy at all.  Point is that you can’t beat nature; which is why you can’t be one way and expect to change the outcome.   One action causes another.

If you do want to be healthy you can stop buying all the “Self Help Books”.  The answer is this 5000 year old practice; Yoga helps us determine if we are making healthy decisions or choices. A side effect of yoga is the physical form which we can clearly observe; this includes the body, eating, sleeping, environment etc.  It is not the goal of yoga though.  If you are making healthy choices, these things happen naturally.  This doesn’t mean that yoga is a fitness.  As Indra Mohan says “It is a work-in not a workout”.

As you keep practicing you change your awareness. You have to be prepared to fall off balance; the point isn’t to be perfect.  That is why when you eat too much, drink all night, yell at traffic, gossip about a co-worker, we can tell immediately that the body is responding.  We know when something is bad for us and the point is to find our own center of mental health again.

Asana is quite different than poses.  Even this word is taken out of context and naturally what you can observe is easier to evaluate; therefore you assume posture is the practice called yoga.  So you observe the positions (body) but there is so much more going on.  The quieting of the mind, as the Sutras say.  Pranayama (breath) becomes the most important limb; long & smooth breath, increasing awareness to promoting good health. Therefore it can change your actions, thoughts and emotions. By pausing we can change some of those mental patterns or habits we form within ourselves.

Asana isn’t to be dismissed though. Often we practice asana (Sutra Limb) for a reason – you can use your senses to observe.  If you are doing a posture because that is what you do, then you have to consider if it is right for you now. Is your response based on an expectation, habit, who you want to be, or jealously?

We know our body is always changing but often we hold and resist. I am not comparing what I did at 14, 24, 34 and just so happy to be where I am now at 44.  By allowing your body and mind to relax you can make good choices for you.  Celebrate it!

This becomes harder as much is done and sold in the name of yoga.  It isn’t yoga though and this is why so many are injured.  Often we are stuck in the patterns of doing what we were told; following a “one-size fits all” pattern or series to try to be someone else.   The media is great at tapping into this fear.  There are those teaching yoga that believe in pushing or adjusting you to fit into a position that may not be right for you.

All that time you spent pushing yourself to being something or someone else is better off spent addressing that reaction.  It helps your well-being, to be friendly and kind to yourself and then this has an effect on others.  Ahimsa! Watch the breath – you can’t push that;  the breath is honest with you.  You can’t force it.  You honor it and listen to it instead.

When you are upset, tense, angry the breath is short and shallow.  There is a time for it of course.  I help many expecting Moms deal with the pain in childbirth; we know that the first reaction with pain is to fight it.  To form a new habit we change that path or direction and practice slowing the breath in asana.  Then we can slowly remind and teach our mind that experience.  We don’t come to yoga knowing this ahead of time; we come open and prepared to learn.  That is why I like to consider myself at Level 0 for yoga classes I attend.

Let me be clear, I’m not saying to avoid challenging asana positions.  For the individual they may ok with it.  Headstand, for example, should be a smooth, long breath, just as in Tadasana (Standing Mountain).  However we may choose a position based on emotion; we avoid what we need and do what we want.  Many apply their exercise routine to yoga; pushing to see progress or change.   Marketing knows this, which is why the word “Power” is sold.  If we lack it or want it (envy), we’ll purchase it to obtain it. – right?  I’ll drink a Power Drink instead of resting but sooner or later my body will communicate.  Choice is yours but you can’t change the outcome.  I can’t avoid the “Oil Light” forever.  Sooner or later the car will stop.

Just as you may enjoy an image that reminds you of peace, you have to remember that  someone else may feel differently.  They aren’t stupid, dumb or other harmful names we use for having this reaction; they too have experiences and need to work within themselves to create their own state of bliss.

Instead of looking outside for the answers, trust that you have had them.  I just came from a yoga workshop with AG & Indra Mohan.  Interesting to see those lightbulbs go off with those attending.  Some reaffirmed what they already practice and for others they knew it was there and were brought back to it.  Just as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz found out – she had the answers all along.  She asked the Witch why she didn’t just tell her in the beginning and she said “You had to find out for yourself”.  When you are ready the teacher will appear.

Remember your seat can be used as a floatation device

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JULY 31, 2013• 

I was listening to a talk show recently about how 20 years ago, before the cell-phone, many would get a phone call from a friend and spend hours talking to them.   It made me stop and think – I haven’t done that is so long. Remember when you were traveling and told people you would contact them when you got to the hotel?

Somehow we stopped, made time and that wasn’t so long ago.  With all our newest resources from phones, tablets and laptops we do things faster and yet it hasn’t given us more time.  I meet with many where the 50 to 60 hour work-week is normal.  They can be reached on vacations and if I ask them to consider putting the phone away for a 75 min in a yoga class they start twitching from the idea.

I’m not saying I am perfect of course.  I have a smart-phone, don’t have the normal 9 to 5 work hours and yes it is hard to stop.   Awareness is key.  These are amazing times indeed with so many new inventions coming out.  “Facetime” is wonderful while I am away to see my family for example.

Yet we are in this fast paced, immediate pleasure seeking world.  Ever send an email and start talking to it?  “Come on – answer” “I know you are there”.  If we don’t hear from them immediately we assume the worst. Then we hear a couple days later from them and all was well.  Where did the patience go?

On my phone I have a bunch of applications that I am sure I never use; to be honest I’m not sure how they got there and if they are necessary.   I can even use an application to watch my Dog in daycare while I’m away.  While I like it I have to stop myself from abusing it – why am I away on vacation watching my dog!

Last December I decided on a trip to see family, to really take time off. I put away the phone and didn’t look at it, text, emails or social media for the week. The first 24 hours was hard, I’m not going to kid you.  I would think about it, reach for it and stop myself.  After that though I realized a strange thing.  I had more time. More time to do things like talk to family, read, take a walk, and de-stress.  More importantly the world did not end.   I decided to take this into the new year and now once a week to stop and do this.  “God had one day off and so should I” I tell others.

Don’t get me wrong, I like social tools just as much as the next person, but now there are new conditions showing up; many experiencing depression from watching others on social networks and not feeling good about themselves.  Funny how we feel a profile of a person is really the person.  Before it used to be “Superstars” and now it is the ‘girl-next-door’.  This includes obsessing over the number of “Friends” we have – as if having many social friends means something.  These social tools have created a society where we feel we need to comment, respond and “speak our mind”; letting our ego run away and causing harm to others.

For years I have used the tools to help me learn more and then you have to get up and invest the time in meeting the person.  My other career is a recruiter to help people find jobs.  I have many around me, even recruiters, who prefer to email than talk.  Yet I know even with job interviews the non-verbal items are more important than the verbal.   We all profile and watch the body language, eyes, smell, energy, if we know it or not.  We make decisions based on this.  Don’t believe me?  Ever entered a room where you could just feel the tension. You knew you something just happened but didn’t know what had happened.

These days, I have witnessed so many afraid to pick up a phone and talk, which makes me laugh as their “smart phone” is now used for anything but the phone.  I’ll say “call them” and the next thing you know they are emailing or texting them.  I remember thinking someone in the grocery line was talking to me but they were on their Bluetooth.  Now, when we do use our phones to talk, we do so in the weirdest places.  I’ve entered bathrooms where people are talking on their phones – yes even women using the toilet while talking.  This is when I like to flush and have the sound in the background during their call. Don’t get me started on the cleanliness issues around this; our habits can be gross if we observe them.  Additionally I know of those who wear their Bluetooth all the time; call or not; ready for it just in case. I’m waiting for the blinged-out Bluetooth to come out.  Just a matter of time.

There are physical conditions popping up as well.  I have many come up to me in yoga who hurt in down-dog and want to know other poses they can do instead.  I often smile and tell them it isn’t the down-dog that is hurting them – it is your life responding to you so please listen too it.   We can modify to make them comfortable but I often ask them to spend the week observing their life from computer time, texting and how they are sitting.

I registered the other day for 500 hour teacher training. I could have registered on-line but had questions and to save time and avoid tons of emails I called them directly.  I had the best conversation with this stranger and she helped me with the answers.  We also found out some things we had in common and just enjoyed the conversation.  This wouldn’t have happened with an email or text and I’m so glad I called.

My sister loves to text and I think it has its place in our society, but often after she has sent me a few text messages, back to back, I pick up the phone and call her.  She then laughs and says “I knew you would call”.   With the call we can hear tone, expression and listen.   Listening is so important and with this dying art, communication is more work than ever to practice listening to the person, answer or responses.  Have you ever “chatted” on-line?  You can see the person is typing on it and they wrote you a question, you are typing a response but you see they are off typing something else without hearing from you.  So who is listening?  Are we just busy proving our point?  Why not use these tools for what they are great for?  I use my IM to tell me that someone is here for a meeting in room 1 while I’m on the phone.

Time and place for everything is all.  Even with yoga I have those who like to tell me they use DVD’s for their practice.  I understand this however the recordings can’t replace the physical interaction of being with others or having a teacher observe and guide you.

Even now while reading this story you have to ask yourself did you make time just to read it, or was my mind off, jumping around, looking at my email, checking my “Wall”, accepting a new friend to “Yelp” or skipping to the many internet pages that are open?  If the answer is “no I was distracted” then know it takes practice to focus. The mind needs just as much of this “workout” as our physical exercise. “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.” Yoda

Those that know me have heard me say “Multi-tasking” doesn’t work.  You really aren’t tasking or doing one thing well at all.   Years ago when I said this to two guys I was working with, they insisted they did this well of course. I tested this by responding with a crazy question as they were checking their messages, acting like they were listening, and they just looked up and agreed with me.  I knew I had proven my point but never said anything to them.  Quite natural to think we are great at this but you are often missing out on the moment.  That or you are busy assigning the blame “I”m ADD”.

I once had a boss, wonderful teacher, who would talk to herself and tell herself to “stay focused”.  I find myself talking to myself this way to get back on track.  We forget that we can let the tools help us balance – let it go to voicemail!   Finish what you were working on.  Yes this includes driving.   I don’t need laws to tell me what I already know; that it doesn’t make me more aware in the moment if I’m doing something else.

Finding a place and time for the technology in our life.  For me l continue to laugh as a plane touches down and phones all over the cabin are coming on.  We can’t even wait to arrive at the gate, focus on getting there safely and be compassionate to those around us trying to get their bags.  Breathe and remember that the closest exit may be behind you.  (remember your options).

If it wasn’t for you, “I wouldn’t know just how capable I am to pull through”

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JULY 11, 2013• 

In my late 20’s I wanted to try skydiving.  I don’t know why – maybe for the same reason I got a tattoo – there was something telling me to go try it.

I started with the tandem and then started free falling lessons.   I was trying to accomplish a lot in my life, so I took some time off to complete the CPA exam.  I returned years later, just completing air tunnel time with some professional jumpers.  It was memorial day weekend and I was jumping and using my new tunnel time lessons quite well.  Many, at the time, didn’t feel the air tunnel helped, but when you get 2 minutes a time in the tunnel to find your balance, learn your body and movement – it helps.  I had an hour in the tunnel total and it was moving me thru the registration for my license fast that weekend.

I remember sitting with another student, Earl; talking about jumping, hanging out all day and waiting for the “Beer Light” as many would hang out, drink and sit by the fire to talk about – skydiving.   On my last jump that Sunday I was coming in to land and was about 30 feet from the ground. I was just about to pull hard to stop when something didn’t feel right and instead I hit the ground at full speed.  I can still remember the shooting feeling of shock up my spine.

Fortunately there was someone there trained in the medical field and he told me not to move.  Witnesses told me that Earl made a turn behind me andcrossed lines with my parachute which then collapsed.  I remember his face, look and expression – I will never forget it. I remember wanting to walk it off but they told me to stay still.  Saving you the rest of the story, I was so glad my Mom told me to wear clean underwear!  I had two vertebrae in the middle of my back that were broken – they were worried with movement it would collapse the spine.  So I went thru 3 weeks of staying still, wearing a back-brace, Vicodin, and as my doctor said “no relations” for months.  I spent a year healing, building, and “yes” I did go back up to jump again and again.

I never heard from Earl again though. I remember in the hospital ER just wanting him to know I knew it was an accident and I’m ok.   However I learned he took off and I never heard from him again.

I was learning at this point of my life that sometimes we don’t return to the same place. Sometimes we never get a moment to talk to someone again.  Often, beyond the physical, is the emotional and mental areas associated with an injury or trauma.  We are taught, as we go thru life, that this will pass.  There is a time for everything – even grief and pain.  Yet how often do we get hurt, keep it to ourselves and quickly move on.  Does time really heal all wounds?

I guess it all depends on the wound, person, cause and where it is at of course.   I’m not trying to determine a timeline, but how long is the healing process?   For the story above that was over 11 years ago.  We set expectations and  “Get back on that horse” becomes the attitude.

Yet it was from this accident that I returned to yoga, after healing, and have stayed with it as it has helped.  Maybe a larger force was sending me on a path I wouldn’t have discovered if it wasn’t for this accident.

Far beyond the physical.  Yoga is very powerful and some postures can raise emotion, as I found out.   Backbends for me only reflected my injury and I didn’t know that at the time.  Instead I would cry and not know why.   I was in a safe place though and just let it go.  Yet the feelings expressed that some part of me was changed and was gone – taken by another’s actions – and was quite hard to deal with.

I remember my teacher Daniel listening to me and he told me that I may never do certain postures; I may never do wheel and did I care?  Blew my mind to think this way.  I grew up with if you tried and tried again you would get there.  Now I had to accept it and more importantly the answer was “no – it didn’t matter”.

When I work with prenatal women I try to get them to stop focusing on the healing timeline.   Emotionally they get tied up with  “plans” and who they wanted to be or were.   It is hard not to compare – after all we see many on social medias, news, magazines doing it – so what’s wrong with me?  We don’t allow for the repair and end up hurting ourselves even more; inside and out.

I know someone who started a new boot-camp program and hurt her hip.  She is “misaligned” as she put it and “mad” with herself.  I offered to her that she must listen to her body, let it heal and instead of just returning all over again – remodel or change with it.

Some injuries are longer than others as the mental takes longer to heal than the physical.  I remember being told that a break-up takes about 7 years to heal.  Why that long?  I don’t know, but I remember just last year when I sat in my car, my ex-boyfriend was jogging in DC and ran in-front of me.  I remember just not feeling anything – no anger, frustration or hate; it just didn’t matter.  That wouldn’t have happened early on; I remember sprinting on the treadmill to “Fighter” at the gym early on after the breakup – I’m sure I had an expression of anger that kept many away.

So forgiveness isn’t about forgetting but healing within; so you don’t hold those feelings of hate, anger, fear inside you.  I have my scars from this life and they reflect a part of me.  I’m not trying to cover, deny, hide or look away from them.

We all make mistakes and to Earl I have offered him my forgiveness and I really hope he has done so himself.

“Freedom is never given – it is won” – A Philip Randolph

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JULY 4, 2013•

4th of July reminds me of our founding fathers who dared to do what hadn’t been done before.  Somehow they trusted what they believed to be right – a principal that obviously continues to grow and change.

Even when I mention words – attachment, change, holding- it raises quite a stir.   We don’t want to admit that maybe we are possibly stuck in a habit, so we put that off for later.  However when is the right time to focus on it?  With age does wisdom really come? I believe there is a fine line in learning, improving, changing, so we can break our habits.  Sometimes it is a good thing to have; such as describing to someone “I’m an American”.   Or having rituals, such as taking your vitamin, praying, showering etc.  We can examine and watch to see if we are holding onto something; is this keeping me from moving forward, being open or just letting go.

The ego is within all of us and often we let that first emotion or reaction take over.   When I was little I hated the idea of a cake or pie that wasn’t chocolate.  Later in life I was open to trying key lime pie and found I liked it a lot.  Imagine if I never tried it again and was stuck with the thought “I only like chocolate”.  I’m sure it will change again  after all, the point is that I’m always learning.   My feelings may be true – but not real (Tara Brach).

It is very hard in this day with so many celebrities showing us how they are and we compare- trying to be them.  Even in asana postures.  Somehow we believe there is the place in the future where we will be that and then we’ll be happy – just like those we admire.   However where and when is this place?  Does it really exist or are we always disappointed never reaching it?

This is the same with injuries.  How many of us live within being injured?  We are quick to define ourselves as “I can’t because…”.   Deep inside we keep telling ourselves that we can’t do something because of our bodies, color, nature or place the blame to someone else.  Instead of just loving yourself just as you are now, letting go of the hurt, anger and fear.  You are more than your injury.

I’m not saying that it is bad to watch others; it shows us that it is possible – just maybe not for me, today or this lifetime. Only you have that answer.  Just as those who made amazing inventions, we take that idea, adapt it and go to places we never thought of.  However it is without hate, anger or fear that I can send them love and be happy for them.

Here in DC it is common to prove yourself – questions we ask to see if the person we are talking too is important or beneficial enough to know.  Starts off with “I am” – fill in the blanks.  We do this in yoga as well though – so proud to say “I am Jiva”; “I am Ashtagna”; “I am”…  The point is that I am not that. I may practice a style; “I practice Jiva” or “I practice Ashtanga” but who I am is more than this and we need to give ourselves credit.  More than the words we associate as important; even Mother, Daughter, Catholic, Jew, Hindu, Black, White, Hispanic, Dr, Lawyer, Artist, Runner, Swimmer, etc.  Somehow we know this to be true as we utter the words yet know that underneath it all, there is more to you.

I believe when the Declaration of Independence was first suggested many told them they were crazy, out of their minds and why change the situation they had.  Why not play it safe?  Instead they knew that it was just the right thing to do; trusting their instincts.  The balance of tradition and breaking off to the road less traveled (R. Frost).

On this holiday I suggest we each stay true to that belief.   Celebrate your freedom!

“It is our choices…that show what we truly are” – JK Rowling

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JUNE 13, 2013• 

My Dad wasn’t perfect (none are) however when we loose someone we often go thru different stages of grief and that often includes idolizing them.  I lost my Dad to a heart-attack when I was 19 years old – long time ago – and have gone thru many stages, even recognizing him for his faults.

However as I go thru life I am often reminded of the choices he taught me.  I remember as a young girl going on visits to grave sites to see those that had passed away and my Mother making me feel as if solemn was the only way to be.  I remember him listening to my feelings and telling me that we all handle death differently; such a wonderful freedom he offered me.  I remembered this as well when he died and in the midst of craziness I watched as many responded their way and I had my own.

Although there is a lot of hate, anger, jealousy in the world I have learned that I can only chose not to respond, react or be around it; I have the choice because “two wrongs don’t make a right”.  Can be quite hard when it comes your way, I know.  However I have found that often if you just wait, pause, it passes.   There aren’t short-cuts or fast results.  Even in today’s social environment we need to be reminded of this; we don’t need to respond to every comment made.

As a young girl I remember going to work with my Dad very early in the morning in DC.   We would pass hookers who had been up all night and walking home along 14th Street.  I remember him stoping and talking to them as he would learn their story.  As we walked away he told me not to judge them and that sometimes people fall into awful situations in their life.   From there I would hang out at the Veterans Administration office where it was his job to make movies.  Movies that taught government workers topics like what “you say and how you say it matters”.  (“Feelings” – I was in that one for about a minute).

I would pass the halls in the Veterans Administration and see rooms like “Agent Orange Room” not knowing what that meant.  The head of the VA at the time was in a wheel-chair as he lost his legs but my Dad had a picture of him playing tennis in a wheelchair so I never looked at him with pity – it was normal to assume that he could do so many things.   Even as a young girl my Dad taught me the choices I had physically.  He taught me how to lift items with my legs – that I could do it- never settle for the mindset that “I’m a girl so I can’t”.

As I grew older and dating he would hand me money before I left for a pay phone –  as that was before cell phones.  I could call anytime and he would get me; that I didn’t have to stay with anyone or any situation. I learned to respect myself and make my own choices.

Even in choosing my work and education he never believed one route was right.   He wanted me to get true life experience as he believed that is where you really learn.   Even now as a yoga teacher I take teacher training classes but I believe the true training comes from living it.

I know my Dad wasn’t a religious man but he was spiritual.  I was brought up in a house that had a mix of Christian and Jewish backgrounds. Yet I remember having a Buddha and learning to make my own choice in what I believed in.  Although I have had those try to tell me that my Dad wasn’t in heaven because he didn’t believe in Jesus, I chose not to believe that.

With this I put into practice the lessons from my Dad – the Golden Rule; choose to do what is right, don’t cause harm to others (even if it is truthful), non-steeling, and do unto others as you want done yourself – the message from so many spiritual practices.

Following this further about 12 years ago I was in a bad accident and just when I thought I was going to die I heard my Dad’s voice.  I hardly speak of it, but even in the midst of this accident, everything seemed to slow down and I heard his voice tell me “You will be alright”.

On this Fathers Day I want to “Thank You Dad” as you aren’t here on earth, however I know you are always with me, reminding me of the choices I have.  I know from that lesson that I will be alright.

“There is brown in my rainbow”

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON MAY 9, 2013•

I remember my nephew painting and using brown in his rainbow.  I remember thinking how wonderful it was to just accept that sometimes there just is brown in my rainbow; that life is this way.

Mothers Day is coming up.   I often do the right thing and send flowers to my Mother on this day; feeling it is good for her to feel great and receive them.

I have stood at the stores with cards and picked thru them, reading them, and noticed my reaction.  “Thanks for always being there”, “You were always loving”, “I want to be like you”.   Nope, nope, nope.   Where is the card that says “You did the best you could” or “Thanks for trying”?

Now years later I teach expecting Moms and watch their own reactions; slate is clean and they work so hard to do the opposite of what they experienced and want to be perfect.   Then they see what is like to be a Mom and suddenly catch themselves sounding just like their Mother or Grandmother.

To my point though –  I think we often judge and that it is easy to sit back do this – as we all do.   So easy to look away from myself and see another persons problems; never using compassion that they too have some brown in their rainbow.  Even as a teacher I see this.   It isn’t easy speaking, standing up in-front of others and being ready for the next step.  Being aware though of our own reaction is the start.  We don’t find peace by pushing or tossing away.

Mom’s too are often are judged.  Watch a tired Mom in line at the grocery store with her screaming kids and you know what I mean.   I’m not saying that we need to forget a persons actions.  Yet I can’t hold onto that, react to negative feelings and let it become me.  We learn in yoga it is more “un-doing” than doing; that undoing is getting to our true self.    Over time I had to take my own responsibility and not blame others.  It is very much like a mummy and we are unwrapping the layers to get to the real person inside.

That real person includes my Mom.  I have seen so many sides to her now over time.  I have assisted her in a path without drugs or alcohol but unfortunately now she is in  a long term home for many health problems.   In cleaning out her house my siblings and I brought items to our homes to keep.  This past that I inherited gave me a chance to see it differently.  Those items aren’t just hers but now to make my own; create my future with them. After all, those are just items, things – the emotion behind it comes from something else.

My Mother is a person and a woman; as she kindly reminded me recently when I was cleaning out her house and found items to reflect this.  She isn’t perfect and I forgive her for her mistakes.  Now I focus on what good she did; what she was able to give.

She taught me to love music, books, take care of myself and about art.   Even if she didn’t practice these items she showed them to me.  Somehow in the middle of all the craziness growing up in that home, this happened.

After her rehab I told her that I wasn’t interested in being what everyone thought we should be for a Mother and Daughter.  I was happy enough to just be honest and be friends.   Now when we could loose her I am realizing how much I will just miss telling her about my struggles.  She could never do more than listen but maybe that was enough.

After all  – we all do the best we can.

“Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.”  Oprah Winfrey

Healing from Vertebral Artery Dissection – My story 2013

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON MARCH 1, 2013

One minute I am feeling great, teaching yoga and moving just fine. The next moment, I remember feeling quite dizzy and thought that maybe it was the heat, so I left the room to turn the heat down in the yoga class.  ‘Maybe I can just sit in the room and it will pass.’  Yet it didn’t.

Thank goodness a few students came over, noticed and called 911.  I remember little  after that but remember telling them to call my husband Jeff.   They say I passed out, which makes sense, and I heard that many were praying and sending well wishes in the class.  I knew in the emergency vehicle that this wouldn’t pass.  I was able to tell them that as they asked me my birthday I couldn’t say the number part.  I could think it but not say it.  So I knew something was wrong.  It was so strange seeing the mind and body separated; I could think words but couldn’t get them out.  I remember even talking to one doctor from his home on a TV screen.

After one of many CT scans, we found out both left and right arteries in my neck had caused a vertebral artery dissection which caused a stroke; quite common in younger people, and effects are temporary unlike many other kinds of strokes. My head was killing me, but they only offered heavy narcotics which made me sick.   Being with Kaiser, I had to be moved to a Kaiser hospital.  The emergency vehicle people were so great and kind; laughing with them, learning about them and seeing them be careful on the drive with each bump, movement etc.  I have a new appreciation now when I see them on the road.

The days I spent in hospital taught me you never get rest there, and that there are some wonderful and some not so wonderful caretakers.  With each person I waited to see their attitude.   For those that treated it like a job and couldn’t use logic and sympathy I would be quite guarded.  Many times I was asked silly questions  (“Do you have a penile implant?”) before going to the MRI.   Really?  (We are still laughing at that one.)  I saw quickly that just like yoga, all areas need to be about the person.  It doesn’t do me a lot of good to be treated like a number; it also doesn’t take much time to offer attention and give each person what they need.  Many I found were just going about their work day, collecting data but not really being aware of the information or patient.

However, many of the people in the hospital were incredible, and I found the use of my yoga practice immediately; meaning not just the physical practice but all the Sutras.  I had to trust myself, not cause harm, dive within myself and learn to be safe there.  Many of the nurses understood that sight, sound and smell matter to those suffering from migraines and brought me ice cubes for my head often, and one nurse even took me herself to a 1am CT scan just to save me time and get me back to bed fast.  I’ll never forget that.

There was some residual swelling after the stroke to deal with and it made things like focus and balance worse.  I couldn’t even walk on my own and they had to strap a belt to hold me up with a walker as two young ladies would walk next too me to support me.  I was eventually moved to the rehab unit within the hospital after they tested me to see if I qualified, being re-checked in and answer everything all over again.  Sometimes I was asked to move right after being given medication which meant I got sick and vomited. They started me on blood thinners and had to give me shots in my stomach that started at 3am, then blood work at 6am and then breakfast at 7am.  Entire day would go on with rehab, and wouldn’t stop till 4:30.  Then I would have to get another scan done, so I wouldn’t be back in my room till after 8pm.  Then just when I could get some sleep, the night nurse would come in, turn on all lights, read the computer and ask me questions all over again; she’d say she would be right back, leave all lights on and the door to my room wide open, and not return for over 25 minutes.  Not realizing that someone with a migraine is so sensitive to light, sound and the pain I was in.

Doctors, nurses and therapists would come to my room though, and ask about my neti-pot, inquire as to why I was inverting my legs, comment on how great my lavender aromatherapy  smelled and enjoy the yoga music I streaming from my phone. Often in therapy, I modified and adapted positions and it helped me.  They said my awareness helped me heal much faster.  When asked what my number one priority was, I said “To get out of here!” Of course, by the next day I just wanted better food and coffee; for a place of health they offer the worst vegetables and food. Then found out the blood thinner was taking longer to work in my body because I have a lot of vitamin K in my diet from eating lots of dark leafy greens.  Some suggested that I change my diet, but others said just eat as you do and the blood thinner will be adjusted.  There were some that were quite open to the idea of using natural or Eastern practices but others that didn’t.  The OT would come in and want to go over stroke effects, why I felt it happened and kept going over each day that it will happen again.  I remember telling her I just can’t live that way though and to please stop.

Getting home was such a relief. I was checked out by 11am but was packed and ready at 7am.  Doctor filled out prescriptions for me but I had long decided to just stop the pain medication.  The effects weren’t worth it and gave little relief anyway.  After being watched to see if I could shower, cook and get around, it was nice to leave and gain some privacy.  Now I understand the ‘look’ from those that are injured – the happiness when they regain more independence, less pity and regaining the ‘self’.

Being home is great but yet not the same.  It takes a while to get the setup at home.  Each week my husband and I go to Kaiser for blood work and I never get used to being poked; I remind myself it will pass and could be worse.  Fortunately my hubby works from home so he does the shopping, checks on me and we rearranged the layout of the rooms so I don’t bump into things.  I have been completing learning therapy yoga and never thought I’d be using it on myself, but I have.  Letting go the entire time is what I’ve focused on.  Stop asking “why” and focus on the now; right now this is what I can do, not getting back to something, and tomorrow will be different.  Often I worry about who I’m disappointing though; being away from work and having others cover for me.  I’m quite hard on myself this way.   It takes a lot to let it go. Trust.

The mind and body has connected more each day; so I’m quite lucky.  The left artery healed very fast.  The right side is still healing and so is the head pain. I learned to say “no thank you” to prescriptions.  Trust what is right for me.  Still I’m asked “what happened?”, “why did it happen?”, and “have you improved?”  I’ve had to accept that this is going to take time and that I don’t know the “whys” and may never know “why now”.  That doesn’t mean that I haven’t had moments of anger or tears about it. Sometimes we just need a safe space to feel that. I resisted telling many about my experience but now feel it can only help to share.  I’ve had such amazing support but others are scared to even talk about it.  I was reminded by a yoga teacher how I had freaked out the yoga class that night I had the stroke.  No mention or question as to how I was doing.  Shame that we all can’t stop and pause more to be more aware of what really matters.

Yet so many people stepped up and sent flowers, cards, gifts and brought food.  Those in my community came to take care of us with their support.  Every thought helped me and I cried often to see how many helped not only me but Jeff as well.   He went through a lot that he didn’t share with me and needed support too.  Thank you all!

On the outside I look fine, but I know on the inside things are still different.  I can’t help but think about those in the hospital that I only saw briefly, yet they would say had only just met me and say things like “I don’t know why I’m telling you this” but they offered me such support, hope, love and encouragement.  They may not have known why but I certainly do know why we had that moment together.

I thank everyone for these moments, as sometimes that is all we get.  Stop and pause more – smell the roses – we don’t know how many more moments we get in this life.

The Solution to All Your Problems!

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JANUARY 25, 2013• 

Balance.   Ok so maybe the headline was meant to get your attention but in January I find so many who are looking for the quick fix, solutions, resolutions etc –  Balance is the key though.

We balance in yoga on our arms, legs and when we do this I often remind the class exactly why we are doing it.  Lets be aware of the mind and emotional reaction when we balance before, during and after.  We aren’t doing the posture to look pretty after all.

Finding our balance in life isn’t easy – I didn’t say the solution was.   We struggle to find that place where we can please our family, employer, friends and ourselves.  Yes I listed ourselves last because we often put that last.  In this time of tools, smart phones, tablets, incredible technology – all there to save us time, what time have we gained?  I still hear “I don’t have any time”.  So finding more time wasn’t achieved from appliance then?  Buyer beware.

Brings me to a story of my friend Sydney.  She grew up in the city, with wealthy parents, only child, who was taken care of and given everything she ever wanted.  Her parents gave her the best education, clothing, food.  So concerned were they about her that they protected her from all illness, crime, cruelty of the world.  One day though she caught a glimpse of something on TV and saw something she hadn’t before of the world and it shocked her to see others who were poor, hungry, or hurting. Although her parents tried explaining that they were simply protecting her, she felt betrayed so she ran away one evening.  She explored and wandered the streets of many cities often going hungry.   She joined a group that took her in and explained their beliefs on the world, on accepting help, food and shelter.  Finally one day she fell down nearly dying in starvation and a boy offered her some food.  She started to doubt her beliefs and accepted the food.   Her new group of friends shunned her for this and wouldn’t talk to her any longer.   She found a tree to sit under at a park and sat quietly there for a long time.  She came to realize that you can go from one extreme to the other.  That finding the balance – not too much of any one item is what one must figure out. Even in her attempts to be happy in her life, she found she went from one extreme to another – that neither were right.

Have you heard this story before?  You should – it is the story of Buddha.  Does it help if you hear it in a modern time to relate?  There is a Buddha in each of us if we can just find the way to balance.  So how do we do this?  First of all doubt is a useful tool.  Question everything even from teachers.  “Doubt is the teacher” and when you do this you will find answers from within.  There isn’t one way for anyone one person.  The good news is that you already come pre-programed.  You just have to listen and honor it.

What we often do instead is try to work against ourselves and be just like everyone else or let our ego do the talking.  “I want to be” so we push.  Then we aren’t listening to how tired we are, or hungry or not hungry.   This is where I find moving slower, meditating, putting devices away and even putting the social media away will help.  Awareness of your thought process before you act, post, react and respond.  You have to practice it every single day though.  Consider it a mental workout.

You can’t be afraid to fall out of balance though or try to be perfect.  We loose our balance all the time and if you embrace this you will just become aware of when you need to come back to the center; just as we do in the posture.  We can fall, laugh, and step back up. Observe the feedback in the mind before, during and after while you are balancing.  Can you show some compassion, love and be soft to yourself.  Could you love your body in the balance just as it is? Yes even with all the imperfections you think you have and tap into the reality of the situation that it isn’t about hoping, wishing for something the way it was or will be- just enjoy now.

So balance our life is solution.  Not too much work, religion, play, rest, and yes even yoga.  You have to find your own programing to know exactly what kind of diet is working for you, what sleep you require etc.  You can watch, listen and see it in you.  The body tells you and we can achieve health, longevity and peace of mind when we listen to it.