“It is our choices…that show what we truly are” – JK Rowling

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JUNE 13, 2013• 

My Dad wasn’t perfect (none are) however when we loose someone we often go thru different stages of grief and that often includes idolizing them.  I lost my Dad to a heart-attack when I was 19 years old – long time ago – and have gone thru many stages, even recognizing him for his faults.

However as I go thru life I am often reminded of the choices he taught me.  I remember as a young girl going on visits to grave sites to see those that had passed away and my Mother making me feel as if solemn was the only way to be.  I remember him listening to my feelings and telling me that we all handle death differently; such a wonderful freedom he offered me.  I remembered this as well when he died and in the midst of craziness I watched as many responded their way and I had my own.

Although there is a lot of hate, anger, jealousy in the world I have learned that I can only chose not to respond, react or be around it; I have the choice because “two wrongs don’t make a right”.  Can be quite hard when it comes your way, I know.  However I have found that often if you just wait, pause, it passes.   There aren’t short-cuts or fast results.  Even in today’s social environment we need to be reminded of this; we don’t need to respond to every comment made.

As a young girl I remember going to work with my Dad very early in the morning in DC.   We would pass hookers who had been up all night and walking home along 14th Street.  I remember him stoping and talking to them as he would learn their story.  As we walked away he told me not to judge them and that sometimes people fall into awful situations in their life.   From there I would hang out at the Veterans Administration office where it was his job to make movies.  Movies that taught government workers topics like what “you say and how you say it matters”.  (“Feelings” – I was in that one for about a minute).

I would pass the halls in the Veterans Administration and see rooms like “Agent Orange Room” not knowing what that meant.  The head of the VA at the time was in a wheel-chair as he lost his legs but my Dad had a picture of him playing tennis in a wheelchair so I never looked at him with pity – it was normal to assume that he could do so many things.   Even as a young girl my Dad taught me the choices I had physically.  He taught me how to lift items with my legs – that I could do it- never settle for the mindset that “I’m a girl so I can’t”.

As I grew older and dating he would hand me money before I left for a pay phone –  as that was before cell phones.  I could call anytime and he would get me; that I didn’t have to stay with anyone or any situation. I learned to respect myself and make my own choices.

Even in choosing my work and education he never believed one route was right.   He wanted me to get true life experience as he believed that is where you really learn.   Even now as a yoga teacher I take teacher training classes but I believe the true training comes from living it.

I know my Dad wasn’t a religious man but he was spiritual.  I was brought up in a house that had a mix of Christian and Jewish backgrounds. Yet I remember having a Buddha and learning to make my own choice in what I believed in.  Although I have had those try to tell me that my Dad wasn’t in heaven because he didn’t believe in Jesus, I chose not to believe that.

With this I put into practice the lessons from my Dad – the Golden Rule; choose to do what is right, don’t cause harm to others (even if it is truthful), non-steeling, and do unto others as you want done yourself – the message from so many spiritual practices.

Following this further about 12 years ago I was in a bad accident and just when I thought I was going to die I heard my Dad’s voice.  I hardly speak of it, but even in the midst of this accident, everything seemed to slow down and I heard his voice tell me “You will be alright”.

On this Fathers Day I want to “Thank You Dad” as you aren’t here on earth, however I know you are always with me, reminding me of the choices I have.  I know from that lesson that I will be alright.

“There is brown in my rainbow”

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON MAY 9, 2013•

I remember my nephew painting and using brown in his rainbow.  I remember thinking how wonderful it was to just accept that sometimes there just is brown in my rainbow; that life is this way.

Mothers Day is coming up.   I often do the right thing and send flowers to my Mother on this day; feeling it is good for her to feel great and receive them.

I have stood at the stores with cards and picked thru them, reading them, and noticed my reaction.  “Thanks for always being there”, “You were always loving”, “I want to be like you”.   Nope, nope, nope.   Where is the card that says “You did the best you could” or “Thanks for trying”?

Now years later I teach expecting Moms and watch their own reactions; slate is clean and they work so hard to do the opposite of what they experienced and want to be perfect.   Then they see what is like to be a Mom and suddenly catch themselves sounding just like their Mother or Grandmother.

To my point though –  I think we often judge and that it is easy to sit back do this – as we all do.   So easy to look away from myself and see another persons problems; never using compassion that they too have some brown in their rainbow.  Even as a teacher I see this.   It isn’t easy speaking, standing up in-front of others and being ready for the next step.  Being aware though of our own reaction is the start.  We don’t find peace by pushing or tossing away.

Mom’s too are often are judged.  Watch a tired Mom in line at the grocery store with her screaming kids and you know what I mean.   I’m not saying that we need to forget a persons actions.  Yet I can’t hold onto that, react to negative feelings and let it become me.  We learn in yoga it is more “un-doing” than doing; that undoing is getting to our true self.    Over time I had to take my own responsibility and not blame others.  It is very much like a mummy and we are unwrapping the layers to get to the real person inside.

That real person includes my Mom.  I have seen so many sides to her now over time.  I have assisted her in a path without drugs or alcohol but unfortunately now she is in  a long term home for many health problems.   In cleaning out her house my siblings and I brought items to our homes to keep.  This past that I inherited gave me a chance to see it differently.  Those items aren’t just hers but now to make my own; create my future with them. After all, those are just items, things – the emotion behind it comes from something else.

My Mother is a person and a woman; as she kindly reminded me recently when I was cleaning out her house and found items to reflect this.  She isn’t perfect and I forgive her for her mistakes.  Now I focus on what good she did; what she was able to give.

She taught me to love music, books, take care of myself and about art.   Even if she didn’t practice these items she showed them to me.  Somehow in the middle of all the craziness growing up in that home, this happened.

After her rehab I told her that I wasn’t interested in being what everyone thought we should be for a Mother and Daughter.  I was happy enough to just be honest and be friends.   Now when we could loose her I am realizing how much I will just miss telling her about my struggles.  She could never do more than listen but maybe that was enough.

After all  – we all do the best we can.

“Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.”  Oprah Winfrey

Healing from Vertebral Artery Dissection – My story 2013

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON MARCH 1, 2013

One minute I am feeling great, teaching yoga and moving just fine. The next moment, I remember feeling quite dizzy and thought that maybe it was the heat, so I left the room to turn the heat down in the yoga class.  ‘Maybe I can just sit in the room and it will pass.’  Yet it didn’t.

Thank goodness a few students came over, noticed and called 911.  I remember little  after that but remember telling them to call my husband Jeff.   They say I passed out, which makes sense, and I heard that many were praying and sending well wishes in the class.  I knew in the emergency vehicle that this wouldn’t pass.  I was able to tell them that as they asked me my birthday I couldn’t say the number part.  I could think it but not say it.  So I knew something was wrong.  It was so strange seeing the mind and body separated; I could think words but couldn’t get them out.  I remember even talking to one doctor from his home on a TV screen.

After one of many CT scans, we found out both left and right arteries in my neck had caused a vertebral artery dissection which caused a stroke; quite common in younger people, and effects are temporary unlike many other kinds of strokes. My head was killing me, but they only offered heavy narcotics which made me sick.   Being with Kaiser, I had to be moved to a Kaiser hospital.  The emergency vehicle people were so great and kind; laughing with them, learning about them and seeing them be careful on the drive with each bump, movement etc.  I have a new appreciation now when I see them on the road.

The days I spent in hospital taught me you never get rest there, and that there are some wonderful and some not so wonderful caretakers.  With each person I waited to see their attitude.   For those that treated it like a job and couldn’t use logic and sympathy I would be quite guarded.  Many times I was asked silly questions  (“Do you have a penile implant?”) before going to the MRI.   Really?  (We are still laughing at that one.)  I saw quickly that just like yoga, all areas need to be about the person.  It doesn’t do me a lot of good to be treated like a number; it also doesn’t take much time to offer attention and give each person what they need.  Many I found were just going about their work day, collecting data but not really being aware of the information or patient.

However, many of the people in the hospital were incredible, and I found the use of my yoga practice immediately; meaning not just the physical practice but all the Sutras.  I had to trust myself, not cause harm, dive within myself and learn to be safe there.  Many of the nurses understood that sight, sound and smell matter to those suffering from migraines and brought me ice cubes for my head often, and one nurse even took me herself to a 1am CT scan just to save me time and get me back to bed fast.  I’ll never forget that.

There was some residual swelling after the stroke to deal with and it made things like focus and balance worse.  I couldn’t even walk on my own and they had to strap a belt to hold me up with a walker as two young ladies would walk next too me to support me.  I was eventually moved to the rehab unit within the hospital after they tested me to see if I qualified, being re-checked in and answer everything all over again.  Sometimes I was asked to move right after being given medication which meant I got sick and vomited. They started me on blood thinners and had to give me shots in my stomach that started at 3am, then blood work at 6am and then breakfast at 7am.  Entire day would go on with rehab, and wouldn’t stop till 4:30.  Then I would have to get another scan done, so I wouldn’t be back in my room till after 8pm.  Then just when I could get some sleep, the night nurse would come in, turn on all lights, read the computer and ask me questions all over again; she’d say she would be right back, leave all lights on and the door to my room wide open, and not return for over 25 minutes.  Not realizing that someone with a migraine is so sensitive to light, sound and the pain I was in.

Doctors, nurses and therapists would come to my room though, and ask about my neti-pot, inquire as to why I was inverting my legs, comment on how great my lavender aromatherapy  smelled and enjoy the yoga music I streaming from my phone. Often in therapy, I modified and adapted positions and it helped me.  They said my awareness helped me heal much faster.  When asked what my number one priority was, I said “To get out of here!” Of course, by the next day I just wanted better food and coffee; for a place of health they offer the worst vegetables and food. Then found out the blood thinner was taking longer to work in my body because I have a lot of vitamin K in my diet from eating lots of dark leafy greens.  Some suggested that I change my diet, but others said just eat as you do and the blood thinner will be adjusted.  There were some that were quite open to the idea of using natural or Eastern practices but others that didn’t.  The OT would come in and want to go over stroke effects, why I felt it happened and kept going over each day that it will happen again.  I remember telling her I just can’t live that way though and to please stop.

Getting home was such a relief. I was checked out by 11am but was packed and ready at 7am.  Doctor filled out prescriptions for me but I had long decided to just stop the pain medication.  The effects weren’t worth it and gave little relief anyway.  After being watched to see if I could shower, cook and get around, it was nice to leave and gain some privacy.  Now I understand the ‘look’ from those that are injured – the happiness when they regain more independence, less pity and regaining the ‘self’.

Being home is great but yet not the same.  It takes a while to get the setup at home.  Each week my husband and I go to Kaiser for blood work and I never get used to being poked; I remind myself it will pass and could be worse.  Fortunately my hubby works from home so he does the shopping, checks on me and we rearranged the layout of the rooms so I don’t bump into things.  I have been completing learning therapy yoga and never thought I’d be using it on myself, but I have.  Letting go the entire time is what I’ve focused on.  Stop asking “why” and focus on the now; right now this is what I can do, not getting back to something, and tomorrow will be different.  Often I worry about who I’m disappointing though; being away from work and having others cover for me.  I’m quite hard on myself this way.   It takes a lot to let it go. Trust.

The mind and body has connected more each day; so I’m quite lucky.  The left artery healed very fast.  The right side is still healing and so is the head pain. I learned to say “no thank you” to prescriptions.  Trust what is right for me.  Still I’m asked “what happened?”, “why did it happen?”, and “have you improved?”  I’ve had to accept that this is going to take time and that I don’t know the “whys” and may never know “why now”.  That doesn’t mean that I haven’t had moments of anger or tears about it. Sometimes we just need a safe space to feel that. I resisted telling many about my experience but now feel it can only help to share.  I’ve had such amazing support but others are scared to even talk about it.  I was reminded by a yoga teacher how I had freaked out the yoga class that night I had the stroke.  No mention or question as to how I was doing.  Shame that we all can’t stop and pause more to be more aware of what really matters.

Yet so many people stepped up and sent flowers, cards, gifts and brought food.  Those in my community came to take care of us with their support.  Every thought helped me and I cried often to see how many helped not only me but Jeff as well.   He went through a lot that he didn’t share with me and needed support too.  Thank you all!

On the outside I look fine, but I know on the inside things are still different.  I can’t help but think about those in the hospital that I only saw briefly, yet they would say had only just met me and say things like “I don’t know why I’m telling you this” but they offered me such support, hope, love and encouragement.  They may not have known why but I certainly do know why we had that moment together.

I thank everyone for these moments, as sometimes that is all we get.  Stop and pause more – smell the roses – we don’t know how many more moments we get in this life.

The Solution to All Your Problems!

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JANUARY 25, 2013• 

Balance.   Ok so maybe the headline was meant to get your attention but in January I find so many who are looking for the quick fix, solutions, resolutions etc –  Balance is the key though.

We balance in yoga on our arms, legs and when we do this I often remind the class exactly why we are doing it.  Lets be aware of the mind and emotional reaction when we balance before, during and after.  We aren’t doing the posture to look pretty after all.

Finding our balance in life isn’t easy – I didn’t say the solution was.   We struggle to find that place where we can please our family, employer, friends and ourselves.  Yes I listed ourselves last because we often put that last.  In this time of tools, smart phones, tablets, incredible technology – all there to save us time, what time have we gained?  I still hear “I don’t have any time”.  So finding more time wasn’t achieved from appliance then?  Buyer beware.

Brings me to a story of my friend Sydney.  She grew up in the city, with wealthy parents, only child, who was taken care of and given everything she ever wanted.  Her parents gave her the best education, clothing, food.  So concerned were they about her that they protected her from all illness, crime, cruelty of the world.  One day though she caught a glimpse of something on TV and saw something she hadn’t before of the world and it shocked her to see others who were poor, hungry, or hurting. Although her parents tried explaining that they were simply protecting her, she felt betrayed so she ran away one evening.  She explored and wandered the streets of many cities often going hungry.   She joined a group that took her in and explained their beliefs on the world, on accepting help, food and shelter.  Finally one day she fell down nearly dying in starvation and a boy offered her some food.  She started to doubt her beliefs and accepted the food.   Her new group of friends shunned her for this and wouldn’t talk to her any longer.   She found a tree to sit under at a park and sat quietly there for a long time.  She came to realize that you can go from one extreme to the other.  That finding the balance – not too much of any one item is what one must figure out. Even in her attempts to be happy in her life, she found she went from one extreme to another – that neither were right.

Have you heard this story before?  You should – it is the story of Buddha.  Does it help if you hear it in a modern time to relate?  There is a Buddha in each of us if we can just find the way to balance.  So how do we do this?  First of all doubt is a useful tool.  Question everything even from teachers.  “Doubt is the teacher” and when you do this you will find answers from within.  There isn’t one way for anyone one person.  The good news is that you already come pre-programed.  You just have to listen and honor it.

What we often do instead is try to work against ourselves and be just like everyone else or let our ego do the talking.  “I want to be” so we push.  Then we aren’t listening to how tired we are, or hungry or not hungry.   This is where I find moving slower, meditating, putting devices away and even putting the social media away will help.  Awareness of your thought process before you act, post, react and respond.  You have to practice it every single day though.  Consider it a mental workout.

You can’t be afraid to fall out of balance though or try to be perfect.  We loose our balance all the time and if you embrace this you will just become aware of when you need to come back to the center; just as we do in the posture.  We can fall, laugh, and step back up. Observe the feedback in the mind before, during and after while you are balancing.  Can you show some compassion, love and be soft to yourself.  Could you love your body in the balance just as it is? Yes even with all the imperfections you think you have and tap into the reality of the situation that it isn’t about hoping, wishing for something the way it was or will be- just enjoy now.

So balance our life is solution.  Not too much work, religion, play, rest, and yes even yoga.  You have to find your own programing to know exactly what kind of diet is working for you, what sleep you require etc.  You can watch, listen and see it in you.  The body tells you and we can achieve health, longevity and peace of mind when we listen to it.

“What does your label read?”

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON OCTOBER 21, 2012•

This was one question we had at our bookclub for “hand wash cold” by Karen Maezen Miller the other night.  The idea being that we forget how to listen to ourselves and know how to treat ourselves; sometimes we need the delicate cycle or hand wash.

Therefore someone asked the question – “what does your label read?”  I thought about it for a moment and remembered how I treat my labels.  Interesting enough I often cut out the labels.  First off they bother me when I wear the clothes and I like not remembering the size, where I got it and breaking free of what someone else was telling me to do with it.  I feel the clothing item is mine and that includes my own mistakes with it.  Interesting what that says about me though and that is just what I thought when asked this question.

I often find those who want the answers to yoga and mediation; are they doing it right, up to someone else’s standards, is it historically correct, and is popular?  It can often hold many back from yoga as well when they don’t feel they live up to the standards they have seen.  “I can’t touch my toes” “I’m not flexible” “I can’t put my foot behind my head.”

All my life I have welcomed the chance to know many groups of people, be open minded to other’s and know that everything I think I know will change again.   For this reason it didn’t surprise me to notice my answer to this question and that my yoga practice is this way as well.  I never consider myself as practicing one style of yoga.  I won’t call myself after a specific practice and I believe in mixing the great items from all of them to fit the day, moment or person.  I do the same politically though as well – I never associate myself with one party or belief.

How often can we say we treat our lives this way though?  I’m not saying having labels is a bad thing, however it isn’t the only way. Often we want to live our lives within the boundaries – looking for perfection or comparing ourselves so we can be accepted.   We live in this fear.  We seek the answers from others – doctors, lawyers, mechanics, teachers etc,  without trusting ourselves in the process.  At some point you have to take the responsibility and make your own decision – even if that means you make a mistake.

As Karen Maezen MIller says “our practice is with our bodies as they are right now”.  No other person can tell me exactly how something feels as we have different experiences to begin with.  We just have to take in all of the suggestions and decide from there what is right for us.

We have to recognize when the clothes we have need to be changed, have to be replaced and know that they served their purpose and let go of them so we can move on.  My practice isn’t the same as it once was and it shouldn’t be.   I always thought it was about applying myself to what I wanted, then living with the disappointment when it didn’t happen and trying it again tomorrow; always trying to get to a place that I once had or wanted.  Yet it isn’t that way at all. My practice from my 20’s is quite different from my 40’s and will change again in my 60’s (if I’m lucky).   My body and mind are different, changing and my practice should change with it as well.

So I guess if a label could be found in my clothes, I’d have to say it reads “One Size Does Not Fit All”.

Standing in someone else’s shoes

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JULY 29, 2012• 

Standing in someone else’s shoes or as Depeche Mode sang “Try walking in my shoes”. Ok my foot is small so you may not fit, but the point is to see another persons side, life and experiences.

When I started teaching yoga I was amazed to watch faces of students practicing and knew that I could never tell from their responses if they were enjoying the experience or not.  Still it surprises me to have someone come up after a class and say ‘that was great’ or ‘wonderful class, I quite enjoyed it” when they were frowning, glaring or shying the entire time.

I’ve learned to move past that though and not take it personally as a teacher;  it just happens and often I find that the student just has something else going on. It occurred to me that as a teacher many may not ever know how or what I’m feeling either.  I believe that as a teacher I’m not there to reflect my problems however guide you in what you need right then and set the tone for the class.  Many times I’ve been tired yet chose to jump up and down,  get some energy and laugh just to  lift up the spirits of the room.

However lets face it as a teacher we are human.  I’ve often said to other yoga teachers that we should write up stories of the strangest experiences we have had.

I’ve taught plenty of classes while I had a migraine and amazed that just doing and not focused on the pain, that after class I was in less pain.  I sometimes teach back to back classes and although 15 min before the next class sounds like plenty of time, often I have questions from students, have the next class to check in and it means that I never get a bathroom break.  Just last month I was teaching and had to use the bathroom right as I was teaching the 2nd class and we had started our Sun Salutations.  Once I got to a place where I could guide them into Pigeon, a pose they hold for 3 to 4 min at least, I ran out to use the bathroom.

I taught a prenatal class once where one woman decided that the new pants she bought were just too tight and took them off to continue practicing in her underwear.  Needless to say I didn’t offer a lot of hands on adjustments to her that day.  I’ve lost my voice, had something caught in my throat and had a cramp in my foot and still taught through it.  I often teach after I’ve worked all day and sometimes don’t have dinner until late.  I know a number of times I’ve sat on the mat while others are meditating and tried to keep my stomach from making too many noises.

I haven’t had many situations where I’ve been stuck in traffic and late but I have had one where I allowed over an hour and was stuck in an unusual standstill on the parkway and there wasn’t any exit for miles.

Of course I’ve heard very funny stories from yoga teachers as well.   I’ll leave those to be told and shared by them though.

Point of sharing this with you was I’ve been on Yelp and reading comments and reviews; not just about yoga studios, but many businesses.  I don’t believe all the comments are a true assessment of a business though as it is easy when you have a negative comment to get on-line, judge and leave your opinion.   I don’t often see constructive criticism or suggestions.  I want to change that of course by encouraging more to go out there – take a few min and support a local business.  Pass on some positive energy.  Not saying that if you have a bad experience not to share it – but maybe before you write it  or share it, you can show some compassion and think for a moment that maybe, just maybe, that person was having a bad day or a strange situation as well. After all, the next time it could be your turn to have an ‘off moment’ and you’ll need someone else to do the same for you.

A day in the life

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JULY 3, 2012• 

For the past year I have written up articles as it relates to experiences with yoga and I was reading over the various articles and then thought… would anyone even know me from these articles?  Yoga is about returning to the self and yet I find that I am very protective of myself and sharing.  I have my reasons though – like many – a lifetime of events, pain and regret have me picking those I am open with and share my true self with.

I often tell others that if you think you know me from my Twitter or Facebook you are mistaken.  I don’t think this is wrong though as I have often felt that social tools are useful however can’t replace really knowing or meeting others.

I started meditation long before I practiced asana though.  I was fortunate enough to be involved with a youth group growing up in my teens.  We would meet, discuss life, feelings, frustrations and close with massage and meditation.  I learned that through touch we can send energy to help each other heal.  I also learned what it was like to sit, observe and often escape circumstances in the present moment.    

You see I grew up in an an abusive alcoholic household.  My parents would fight often and mostly all night long.  If I wasn’t involved in my Mothers fights I would be in my room meditating to escape.  Between the awful things said in this environment, being hit or protecting my siblings, and having police come in only to look at you with pity, I found a way to escape.   I also knew that someday this would end and pass… and it did of course.  I knew that the only thing I could control was my reaction in that moment.

I never mentioned my situation of my life at home to friends, outside of certain discussion groups though.  Once I mentioned it to a close friend of mine in high school and I remember his reaction to this day.  As many yogi’s believe we are all injured though and I don’t think that I’m the only person with this story.  However I wanted to write about this to share as maybe someone else is having problems or can relate.

My sister and I often wonder how we turned out as we did.  Why is it that some turn into exactly what they dislike and become violent (to themselves or others) and others use it as an example of what not to do or be?

If you believe in past lives I think that some are just born into this world just knowing.   I certainly wasn’t told to do one or the other.  My parents didn’t practice meditation, yoga and didn’t eat well.  I believed then as I do now that our bodies are just a small part of who we are.  I knew that deep down under there was my true self and soul that couldn’t be touched or harmed by any outside source or person.  

Later I tried yoga. I started with a video and then went to an Iyengar class that I was was bored with from the start.  I remember the instructor telling us how she was injured and how yoga helped her though.  We then spent an entire class in mountain pose.  I appreciate all this detail now, however to a beginner it was lost on me.  Fast forward to a few years later when I was injured in a skydiving landing and had two broken vertebrae.  Took a long time to heal.  Bones heal fast but the muscles and emotional damage is still something I think you deal with a long time.  Once off the back brace, pain medication and able to return to work I remember my body didn’t  even know how to sit up, much less do a sit-up (crunch).  I returned to yoga and Iyengar class and have been with it ever since.  I have been fortunate enough to have studied with some amazing teachers.  I have taken and studied many styles now of course.   I’ve learned even more about meditation and watching the mind and its thoughts.

I turned to teaching yoga 4 years ago and wasn’t sure why I was lead to do it however with each direction I have taken it hasn’t been wrong. I stop, listen, make sure my ego isn’t involved, and just trust that the universe is telling me something.  I take pride in teaching beginners as I remember the mindset of them and I love looking across the room to see a face and expression of joy.  Not just in the position but in figuring themselves out – returning to their true self.  That place that is without harm, judgment, and is full of love and compassion.

My day with Tao Porchon-Lynch (Oldest Yoga Teacher)

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JUNE 11, 2012• 

How can one describe all that this woman teaches, inspires and gives?  It is hard as you have to really meet her to understand.  It is kind of like looking at a car and loving the looks of it however there is something deep on the inside that many just don’t understand.

For those that know of her, they know that she is 94 years old, has studied with Iyengar and still does some amazing asanas.  Go beyond this and you find that she is what yoga is about – the true embodiment of yoga.  She is happiness and love.  On the day I met her she came into the studio and started hugging those who came to see her, even if she didn’t know them.  She was wearing her high heals that she likes to wear, especially when ballroom dancing, and had a black BeBe shirt on.  Tao has a wonderful smile and is soft spoken.

Once she starts teaching she mixes her lessons with wonderful modifications, stories that be can appreciated; as she mixes various styles from Jois to Iyengar.  She teaches from life so just when you think “I can’t do that” she reminds you that she has a pin on one leg and a full hip replacement in the other.  She goes on to tell you that while she was in the hospital the only way should could be released was to show them that she was ok.  They wanted her to walk the halls but she said “the people are depressing and they look like they are going to die”.  Instead she lifted her foot way above her head, behind her, and they let her go home.

Tao’s attitude is not to worry about age and not be told what she can or can’t do.  She isn’t worried about the future and isn’t living in the past.  When I attended her workshop on Saturday, she had already taught the day before at the Pentagon and was heading to Baltimore to teach all day Sunday.  Instead of focusing on the busy schedule she focused on enjoying the moment.

Tao taught in simple movements and yet had you thinking about it in a way that a student could apply and remember it on their own.   Yoga asana’s are from life so she starts by talking about her dog who each day would wake her and do his up and down dog.  In downdog she reminded us that a dog has 4 legs so have 4 limbs in this pose; separate the feet!  In updog lift the chest proud like a dog would be.  In Cobra she told us a cobra has a tail so now feet together and yet pull the chin back just like a cobra would be.  A Cobra snake pulls back to examine it’s prey.

In tree pose she quickly gave a modification to arch the foot instead of placing it flat against the leg.  You push the ball of the foot there but lift the heal up.  It engages the hip to lift and pull up.  Why?  She said otherwise the knee comes down and the only tree that has branches like that are weeping willows so lift up and be strong like a tree branch would.  I tried this and immediately found it uncomfortable but she came over, told me “yes, yes but grab my arm” and we did a partner tree pose together.  So I got out of my head and just moved which was so helpful to just go – just do, even if it was new, strange and hurt a little.  I can just picture her life in this way.

Her main focus was about lifting up and staying in line with the body.  Often in the poses we loose the line – keeping the arm long over the body and leg.  It is about pulling in each direction away from the center.    When she starts moving us into a flow she adds that yoga connects the mind and body therefore music is the connector to our soul.  Therefore she adds that we will be moving to some Argentine Tango music during our flow which was quite lovely.

At our lunch break I sat with her and asked her more about her dog.  She  said that when she had her dog and would go walking each morning there was a little sparrow that would come out and follow them around.  When the dog died for a month the bird would come to her when she came outside – just looking for the dog.  Therefore like all beings we can learn, be attached and love each other – even if we are different.

We started our day at 10am and went till 5:20pm (supposed to end at 5pm) but after a full day of vinyasa, openers and partner poses that included her sitting on my back in down dog, I was tired and was so happy to have a long meditation to close with.  Settling in to our close it was so easy to calm the mind – not just from the movement but from the environment; being surrounded in a room full of grace, love and compassion from everyone.

Tao has had an amazing life, full of places, people and adventures.  However not full of the ego or attitude that you may see with others who become recognized for their events.  Instead just as she pointed out, we are all unique, built different and are special.  Her strength, compassion, love and patience is to be admired and a guide for all of us.

Never one to just sit back and settle down she has a book and CD on meditation.    As she put it so well herself “I don’t have plans to retire”.

You are what you do

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON DECEMBER 28, 2011• 

“You are what you eat”.   Yes I’m sure we have all heard this before however need to be reminded.

Making the association from our aches and pains to what we are eating or doing daily is hard.  With our ever changing body we forget to change our life and habits with it.  Often I talk to those after yoga class who don’t understand why they have the pain they have.  They approached me with the pain  they had in class and want to simply modify the pose or stop doing that pose altogether as a solution.  I often stop them there to discuss why the pain is happening; always happy to suggest modifications.  Sometimes it could be improper form in the pose however in most cases it is external items they haven’t even thought of.

I spoke to someone recently who has had severe back pain for over 5 years and met with a lot of specialists and even considered operating.  He said he examined his life and knew he hadn’t updated his mattress in over 15 years.  He did this simple act, as he put it, and saw improvement.  Think about how you spend your 7 to 9 hours sleeping and if it is uncomfortable.  Now imagine getting a good nights sleep with your body and the state of mind you would have going forward.  He described it as simple act however it wasn’t even suggested by the medical professionals he saw.

Then consider how you sit in the car, office and stand waiting in lines.  In yoga class I often show how to “function in your life” off the mat so you can ease pain.  We are all injured and I am happiest when I see someone improve the function of their body, reduce pain and stress, etc rather than focusing on mastering a pose or position.

Besides the physical changes that can be made, we often forget the foods that will help us.  Berries and leafy greens help with anti-inflammatory issues. Ginger helps upset stomach or stomach-aches – either eaten from the ginger root or you can reach for Ginger Snaps or Ale.  Salmon, Walnuts and other Omega 3 foods also have proven anti-inflammatory effects.  I often suggest to those who have muscle soreness to take an epson salt bath and follow this with cold compress within the first 48 hours.  Epson Salt isn’t expensive and works better than the heating pad with muscle soreness.

We are heading into the new year and many avoid movement or start off hard only to experience pain and then stop.  We never stop to examine what is causing the pain.  This also includes looking at our worklife, people we are around and how we are living this life.  Change may have to be made and the body is just shooting out to please stop.

Stop and listen to yourself, body and mind.

“Om Bolo Sat Guru, Bhagavan, Qi Jai” – God is the only real teacher!

Less is More

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON NOVEMBER 2, 2011• 

We have heard it before and know that less is more however how often do we keep going back in our life adding more, doing more and pushing more, only be reminded that it was better to keep it simple?

Not sure where and why we adopt this attitude that if we just pushed harder we will see better results.  With that often comes injury, frustration and anger.  One of my favorite Yoga Masters and Authors, Max Strom has written on his blog that we often apply this attitude into every aspect of our life.  It isn’t bad to have it occasionally, however as he explains it is just like taking a hammer to your teeth; there is a time and place for it.  One of the best places to practice this is on our mat though and then we see how we think, act and behave.

I often see this in simple acts on the mat such as the forward fold; standing or seated – doesn’t matter.  Everyone wants to reach their toes.  Even though they have been told there isn’t any magic there by reaching the toes, that they aren’t a better yogi and that this fold is so much more than the legs -many still insist on reaching for it.  Pushing hard.  I often ask them in the standing forward fold to place their hands on the floor and even rest their chest on their legs.  To really feel the stretch in the hip, back, neck and let gravity to the rest.  Yet there are the few with the fingertips just hanging there in the air, even though I asked everyone to bend the knees to really feel the pose.  They want straight legs, they want to push and think that by pushing the hamstring somehow the hands will make it there.  Not realizing that what is really missing is the stretch and length in the muscles in and around the spine and hips.  They take the ‘hammer’ approach and push.  Some I see week after week and tell them to do this again and again; maybe not liking that they have to adjust or they feel weak compared to the way they wish they were.

Fact is though we often care so much about the way it looks or how it compares and again it is so nice to check in with that way of thinking on our mat and apply this to our life elsewhere.  Asana is there to teach us about ourselves and many times take us to a place we never knew existed.  Letting go of our ego mind and realize that the true self lies not in completing the pose with straight legs.  The real yogi is focusing on the breath, concentration, and feeling from within (mind and body) while moving in the asana.

I recently started therapy yoga training and even something as simple as lifting the arms up overhead has been different for me.  Usually I throw my arms up quickly reaching up to the ceiling.  Never noticing how the front chest gets tight this way.  Taking this training and just lifting the arms up with a gentle lift and keeping the front chest soft made a big difference.   Still lifting tall and noticing the deep breath into the lungs this way is a wonderful expression of pulling back yet seeing results in the pose.

I often watch beautiful asana poses in my Mysore practice; one’s I may never do in this lifetime.  I turn my concentration instead to my mat and feel my body today as it is, sometimes laughing, crying, offering what it needs in the movement, breath and meditation as well (not moving).  Reminding myself that what I did yesterday isn’t what I will do now or tomorrow.  It is yoga “practice” not “perfection”; therefore allowing myself the space to make errors, fall out, pull back or try something new.

Compassion – from the heart

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON SEPTEMBER 5, 2011• ( LEAVE A COMMENT )

“Yoga is the Uniting of consciousness in the heart”. I often return to talking, reading and studying the Yoga Sutras. As much as I understand that many first come to the mat for the asana they often stay though for something much more.

When we realize that yoga is more than the physical body and study the Sutras we can take yoga into the rest of our life. Lately I have been drawn to talking about the heart and getting out of our heads and minds; think and move instead from your heart. When you use compassion, love, knowledge and wisdom you will find your choices become clearer in your life. “I abide in my own true nature – joy”.

Schools started the new season for many last week and like many rush hour traffic was increased because of this. I allowed extra time for this though however was almost at work when we were stopped by a school bus for a child boarding the bus. He got on while his mother was taking a picture; obviously it was his first day at school. He took a few steps and she asked him to turn around for another picture. That didn’t work, so she took another. It was at this moment that I was breathing and was trapped in my head and ego – “come on, some of us have to get to work!” Then I shifted my thoughts. Remember your first day of school? How many firsts do we get in life and get to remember them and enjoy? Remember going to school and not knowing what to expect and just being excited? Then I shifted my thoughts to the Mother. She must be hurting and will miss him a lot today. How often will she look at the pictures and send him love? As I watched them part I actually slowed down and thought “take your time” this is much more important. Compassion to their situation.

The fact that they don’t know of my compassion isn’t the point. It isn’t whether we will know them or not, or be recognized or noticed. It is again about getting out of our mind, the ego especially, and making our choices from our heart. It is my choice of how I react, and the mind is funny in how we get trapped into thinking things are a certain way. Thinking from our heart things become clearer and from a different perspective.

This is what Yoga is Uniting – our mind, body and spirit. Do you think it possible to get to a point where each day you could get back to thinking and acting just like a child going to school for the first time ever? No expectations, maybe a little fear, but joy at the unknown? Can you find joy, fun and happiness even in the everyday? Try showing a complete stranger compassion by just saying ‘hello” or offering a homeless person money without knowing what they will do with it. How about offering the person your space in line at the store even though you arrived there first. What about the person in traffic on their cell phone who just cut you off – without judgement – just show them compassion.

Balance

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JULY 4, 2011• ( 1 COMMENT )

I witnessed today a very advanced student in a handstand who got very frustrated at herself.  She commented to her teacher that she was disgusted with herself and this never happens to her.  First I found it interesting that even someone in such an advanced pose could choose the word ‘disgusted’ and then it reminded me that even those able to do poses or asanas aren’t always practicing yoga.

We balance in yoga for reasons and I love to teach balances poses and remind those that the lessons learned are those we can take into our life as well.  You have to fall sometimes to learn to balance and just because you balance one day doesn’t guarantee you that it will happen the next time.   Therefore can you be present, right here and now?

This is a beautiful kind of self-love as well that is honoring you for the moment – the asana movement isn’t forced or hard.  If you believe in a higher being as well, mine is God, then I choose to believe that God isn’t just watching me – God lives through me and therefore how I act and react is a part of my practice – not only on the mat however in the world.  The balancing pose raises emotions and that is wonderful to watch see what happens – it can raise fear, anger and it is important to stop and observe why.  Maybe you can learn to laugh at it.

I don’t say this because I’m perfect though.  I think that the perception is that those that practice yoga or yoga teachers must be one of perfection –  far from that.   Even my own sister has commented on the fact that as a yogi, when I have gotten mad at something that I somehow shouldn’t be allowed this reaction by saying ‘how is the yoga working?’  I am not practicing yoga because I”m perfect and because I won’t have feelings – it is because I couldn’t be anyone else.  My true self.  Always balancing- not too much of any one thing in life and sometimes falling and observing and just starting over to get back to center.  Trusting that the answers come from within – from there it is never wrong and I never have to feel disappointed or disgusted.

A yoga teachers responsibility

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON MAY 30, 2011• 

I finished teaching at a gym I was teaching at for 2 years and received feedback from many of the students there.  Quite a few said that they really liked the spiritual aspects of my class and that I took the time to know each of them.  They said that other teachers didn’t seem to do this; they seemed to feel that some wouldn’t know them even though they have been going to the class for years. I’m not saying this is true however the perception is this.

This is similar to other feedback I receive when I hear at other classes from those who tell me that they really enjoyed the detail.  I know that many teachers simply focus on the asana and I know that for those just starting out at the mat the body is where it starts.  Some teachers I know don’t feel that many students want the spiritual aspects or they are afraid to teach it though.  Some also feel that the students lack an awareness so they don’t teach it; however how is a student to learn?

I do believe in teaching from the heart though and just being who you are – not worrying about who will be offended.  Just as when we were babies we wanted to simply crawl we didn’t know about walking or going further.  We needed help to see there was more.  Therefore as teachers I think it is important to remember the beginners mind, and tap into explaining the breath work, the mind and how to meditate.   Explaining the real purpose of yoga and allowing it to unfold – like a flower.  Not worrying about the sole reason they may have come to class – they will find more reasons they needed to come along the way they didn’t know about.

I find it a shame to attend class myself and see those yelling out to a teacher.   They haven’t learned to calm the mind and the teacher hasn’t taught them how to let it rise and fall.  This lesson isn’t something that goes away from the mat as well.   With so many people living with high levels of stress, sleeping disorders and the rise of anti-depressants or sleeping pills I can’t see why this part of the lesson isn’t being practiced as much as asana.

Underestimating that students want the full detail or full practice of yoga is a mistake.   The spirit, soul, body, mind – all parts covered.

Undoing Your Practice – Knowing the True Self

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON MARCH 3, 2011

Before many of my classes I talk and interact with the yoga students.   From those I have known and been teaching for a while, I really enjoy hearing and listening to them, their enjoyments, struggles and seeing if they are incorporating the yoga into their life over time.  For many it is still a very physical practice and even if they have been practicing for a long time they are disappointed that their body isn’t what it used to be.  Even though they so desire change they just don’t seem to know how to go about it.

For this month I wanted to write more on what the message of yoga is for me – especially this journey on wanting change.  As much as we may come to yoga as a workout, want to come into class with our expectations, agendas, goals -these are all fine and well – however they can hold us back and keep us confined and limited.

How can we work on this?  Two parts really.  One part is “letting go” and un-do -not so much do.  Our movement, asana, is there so we can watch, feel and understand between our mind, body, breath, spirit, why we are feeling as we are.   Asking in each movement if and why we are moving this way; asking if the ego is getting involved in our decision.   Or are we letting our body guide us into what feels right without pushing.   Some of the poses are called Warrior however instead of ‘being a warrior’ and going into our practice ready to battle ourselves, we need to be a soft beautiful lotus flower – let the warmth open us, when we are ready, and see the beauty from within.

The other part is noticing our own beauty; that which is our true self.   Not the titles we carry or the problems, achievements or other characteristics that we describe ourselves with.  Another part of the undoing is getting to this true self.  Not worrying about getting back to a way the body was – that was the past.  Or wanting to get to get into a pose or piece of clothing to loose weight – that is the future.   Just staying present and loving right where you are now.   Finally disassociating the action with yourself as well. Notice the next time you are moving in your asana if you are upset when you do a pose poorly or happy with yourself when you do it well.  See if you can simply do and separate the doer; the self from judgement – as it doesn’t matter or bring happiness anyway.

Perfection is not our goal – many times I often fall back into old habits, however with my practice I can catch myself doing it faster.   I can laugh as I’m driving and rushing to my yoga class worried if I’m going to make it and then realize that yoga never stopped or ended just because I left the classroom.  Even in my car I have to stop pushing, be present and “un-do”.  Enjoy what is right now and everything around me.  Just let it be.

Meditation - For Everyone

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON FEBRUARY 12, 2011

Meditation is an internal, personal practice which the practitioner trains the mind or self-induces a mode of consciousness in order to realize some benefit. There are dozens of styles of meditation practices which means that people associate different meanings to the word as well.

Often I am asked how to practice meditation, if they are practicing it correctly and others who just feel that they just can’t meditate at all – feeling they personally don’t have the kind of personality to practice this.

First of all Meditation is an exercise of the mind, therefore one must give it time, build upon it and everyone can do it.   So no matter which style you practice- watching the breath, focusing on a sound, visualization, or many other styles, you should just keep trying ones till you find one you like.

Why practice it?  Western medicine is still learning the benefits of this very old practice.  Besides the reduction of stress which alone has many health benefits, there are many more.  However just as when I teach chanting, sometimes you need to stop asking ‘why’, get outside of your head (the conscious part of your thought) and let go.  Just DO and see what happens.  Watch and see how you feel yourself.

Start with just a minute and work up a little more each week.  Find a place, time and method that works for you.   Be creative and watch what happens.  It is quite normal for your conscious mind to come back while you are meditating; we refer to this as the ‘monkey mind’.  Your thoughts will swing from thought to thought and emotion to emotion.  This is what frustrates so many who give up when they can’t focus.   Just notice it and don’t fight it.  Bring the focus back and tell yourself “Not now Monkey Mind – I’m meditating”.

Meditation is not a sleep however there may be points where you are so relaxed that you feel as if you are dreaming.  As you are still awake and just observing the body, that is exactly what you are looking for; watching and observing the subconscious part of the brain and thoughts.

A beautiful saying I have read is that Praying is like talking to God and Meditation is like listening.   Allow yourself the time to listen to the Universe – the rest of the answers will be revealed.

New Year 2011

New Year 2011

BY PAIGEDCYOGA ON JANUARY 27, 2011

With a new year brings in so many resolutions and desires for many. Many studios fill up with many new students coming, wanting to make some pretty big changes. It would be better to focus on smaller changes though if you want to really see improvement for the long term.

In the Yoga Sutras we learn that there are 8 limbs to yoga and asana is just one part of it. Therefore making your focus and intension to focus on something deeper and making smaller changes – will help your practice. Maybe this is missing from your practice now and that is what makes your yoga practice just physical. I had a student tell me recently she has been practicing for years and “is just stuck”. She felt physically stuck though.

BKS Iyengar writes in “Light on the Yoga Sutras” that a bird cannot fly with one wing”. Practicing and focusing on just the physical body is just that. By allowing yourself to go deeper it will allow yourself to be balanced and fly!

Often I experience students who have hurt themselves  – yes even in yoga you can do this. This can happen as we push and push ourselves into the ‘perfect’ position or pose.

Better to let go, not push and apply this to your life as well. It often frustrates people who come with an expectation with their body and thought they would be further along in their practice and not sure why they are where they are. As I told the student above “Ah that maybe the lesson”. Just like a bird that builds a nest, it takes each twig, string etc and builds it a piece at a time. Then if a storm comes in and blows the nest away, it must stop and rebuild again. Our practice isn’t always moving in a forward motion. Sometimes it takes steps backwards, forwards, sideways etc. That is the lesson and journey.

Take a deep breath, let go and see what comes from it. Something even more than you thought or could have imagined could happen by letting go.